Quick update!!! 12-09-09

[Dannille33]

I just wanted to update quick.. Sorry again for not being on or around. I am not a very good group moderator right now.. Just alot going on ...

Well, I was having great days for almost a month. Give or take a few that weren't so great non the less I didn't have problems going to town or being there.

Then .. I tried to go to my moms I made it half way there and got to nervous. I decided to come back. I really miss going to see her, yet it was raining and I just wasn't having a good day.

After that I still seemed to be doing well till I went to the dentist because I had broken a tooth .. a molar go figure. I didn't know if I could do it but I just kept positive. That was 2 wks ago. That first visit on a monday was good, the next day I was called to come in for a cleaning. I again nervous and had one time where I had to talk myself through it but made it ... Then Wed they told me I was to have my molar fixed.. I called them that morning and told them I didn't think I could do it that day. You know after so long when you think you can and can't doing something. So I called 4 hours before my appt. I told them that I wanted to do it another day I mean I had already been there two days in a row which was more then I thought I could.

I was told to come in anyway and try so I did so. When I was taken back I was ok. Then the dentist put the numbing med in before the shot. I raised my hand because my whole mouth and throat and everything was numb. This freaked me out a bit. He then said .. "I can't do this.. I can't have you grabbing me. I was like .. what? I didn't grab you I raised my hand. You see before I went back I was told that if I got nervous to raise my hand and they would give me a sec.. Well .. he told me he didn't agree to this and he walked out.. The woman that helped him said .. that wasn't a good thing. I looked at her and said my whole mouth and throat is numb. She said .. well I was going to suck that out. I said when>? She didn't answer.

Needless to say they both came back in and I sat there wanting to go through with it . I fought so hard against myself but in the end he said .. why didn't you just tell us you couldn't do this today. I said .. I DID... he said .. well sorry but you are going to have to be put out and go else where to do it. I said. .. what? I told him I can do this . I told you from day one.. I am nervous. I have an anxiety panic disorder and I can only do so much in a weeks time. I have done so well for almost a month and them boom this .. YOu can't expect so much.. and you have to talk more with your staff because I was assured this wouldn't happen when I called and was told to come in and try.

Well, he said .. ok i'll give you one more chance. So .. they put me down for the 15th of Dec. Well see. Anyway that ended my good days. Go figure.. I have been nervous and off balance ever since. I am working towards the postives again.. yet I am thankful for such a great month. 

I can say that I spent thanksgiving alone. My children and husband went to my mothers house and I stayed behind. I told everyone that is how Christmas will be. And they understood.

One thing I have said more so now then before is that .. when you have this it is as if you have to re train your brain. The fear tries to control you, you have to take baby steps to show yourself that you can do it. If you go to fast, or do to much at once you can mess yourself up. At times I feel like a failure, and other times like a baby. I know I am not ... either of these, I guess I just am so frustrated at times that I punish myself by putting myself down like this.

SO... now... it's snowing. Another thing to get use to again. I went to pick up my son from school the other day and I was ok .. and then got nervous. Why? cause there was snow on the ground. It's like ... I have to get use to it and after a while it will again be second nature. I have done pretty well though, last night it snowed 13 inches. And this morning I woke up and it was 45 degrees in here. I was shaking but the kids still asleep as if they weren't cold at all. It was 5 am and I was freaking a bit. I called my husband he was at work. 3 hours later he fixed the heat.. Now it's blowing and crazy outside and I am doing well at maintaining that positive thinking.. What a long haul this is for sure. I can't wait for spring.. LOL

I know with spring I wont have to get use to the green grass. LOL Soo ... here I am in Iowa and .. burried under loads of snow.

That's what's been going on in my life. I hope to be on more, I hope everyone is well, and I thank you all for being my support and my friend!

Merry Christmas... and Happy Holidays if I don't get on sooner ... :)

Here is just a glimpse or what it looks like out my front door.

[Lb128f]

Dec. 9, 2009 at 4:52 PM

I'm so glad you updated...I've been wondering where you were and how you were doing. Dental anxiety is something a LOT of people have...I hope they offered a pill to help you relax (for before yur appointment)...if not, you might want to find a Dentist who is more caring and concerned (they don't sound either to me). I hope you will do okay if you decide to go back...NO ONE should be made to feel badly (especially at the Dentist) for having anxiety. I hope too that you will decide to share in Christmas with your family...and that you will try again to visit your Mom...maybe everyone could come to your house for Christmas? I'll be saying a prayer for you! WOW on the snow...that is wild!!! Thanks for sharing the pic...I just can't imagine trying to deal with all that snow...I know if it was here everything would be closed! Good Luck...I'm sure you will get back on track! ;-)

[carrie24]

Dec. 9, 2009 at 9:33 PM

Hey Dani,

    You have some BIG SNOW there my friend! I don't think I would have even gone outside! I have been a bit out of touch myself but that is for another day. I want to tell you that you have done extreemly well & the dentisit was WAY OUT OF LINE with what he said & did to you & so was his staff! They should have had no problem with you rescheduling in the first place & I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that! You are showing such bravery in all that you have been through & I want to tell you that I think you are just doing FANTASTIC! I think you should call around between now & the 15th to see if you can find another dentist that will finish the work you need done, it couldn't hurt to try. Praying for you.