I had my first Mammogram today

[Saya]

I'm 41.  My mom had breast cancer at age 50.  She had a mastectomy and radiation.  She is still with us, 21 years later. 

I was freaking out this morning, took 2 xanax, it barely took the edge off.  But I went.  I think I was more scared of what would happen more than anything so this is what happend in case anyone else feels the same way:

Went to reception, handed my ins.card and ID.  Filled out a simple form. 

Then I got called back.  The tech was very nice.  I went into a dressing room where I had a gown waiting for me .  Took off shirt and bra only.  I put on the gown (like a bathrobe, opens in the front) and then put my stuff in a locker. 

I went to the waiting room where there were two other women.  We didn't talk.  It felt tense to me.  I pick up Oprah's magazine and every freaking article and ad was about breast cancer.  I'm getting nervous again.  One lady gets called.  I silently wish her luck.  The other lady gets called.  I silently wish her luck.

A new woman comes in, and she's nervous.  We chat.  This is her 4th time, and she's still nervous.  That makes me feel better.

Then I get called.  dum-de-dum, dum duuuuuuuuum.

Go into a little room with a crazy looking contraption. Tech explains everything.  Then my right booby goes first.  Squish.  It didn't hurt.  It wasn't like pillows on my boob, but didn't hurt.  All this crazy positioning of my arm, I have to hold onto the handle that I can't reach b/c I'm short, but she shows me another place to hold on.

Then the left booby.  squish. then the left booby in a different position, which she says might be more uncomfortable but it wasn't really.  then right booby again.

She tells me that b/c it's my first time, she might call me back again to get extra pictures or an ultrasound, and that's nothing to worry about. 

But she comes out and says everything is cool, I can leave.  I ask her to see the pictures, she takes me back and shows me, the fibrous tissue and the fatty tissue, and the chest muscle.  It was kinda cool.

So that's it.  I leave, call my mom and my hubby.  I'm still full of nervous energy and I think I've crossed some milestone, some right of passage that makes me more of a woman now.  At least that how it feels.  I sort of feel connected to my sisters of the world.

And my boobies are healthy!  Hurray.  I think I'll go buy myself some shoes as a present for being brave.

Next month, my pap smear.  Not new at that, but I hate that one.