Distance........

[missyt219]

I had a dream and I thought one day I would be strong, that I could overcome.  Maybe I am just too unrealistic.  I want to think there is a positive side, I want to believe that if I try hard enough I can make it all right or at least it will get better.  Admitedly I do expect too much but is it really expecting too much when I have for so long gone along with what someone else wanted.  Here I am yet again alone in another world heartbroken and second guessing.   Once again I am blaming myself for being the enabler - you can't help it, you need me, she needs me, they need me.  A chance to play it back, to figure out what the hell I did wrong, to fix it all and make it right.  No sense arguing, I will always be wrong, just run and hide.  Inevitably if I point it out I'm crazy, I have issues need to just leave it alone.  Walk away, try to smile, keep the peace all knowing it's creating more and more distance.....

[maidn]

Dec. 11, 2009 at 11:41 PM

I'm not sure what your dealing with hon but I remember feeling that way when I left my abusive ex after 15 years. I followed that with a number of friends who were just different versions of him in one way or another And let me tell you ... I wasn't crazy and I bet you aren't either .. It is so easy for some one else or someones to point the finger and call you crazy when they are the one who made so. It keeps them in control . You may have done nothing wrong but allowed a manipulative person into your life ... You may be an  enabler but many times these peaple know how to hold the cards so you never win .. They are the ones who take advantage of a kind nature , a good heart and a willingess to forgive .. these are good traits those kind of people twist and use for their own purposes . The only way to break from the cycle is to believe in yourself and your right to treated with love and respect and then demand it to be so.. and to learn the traits of the users, losers and manipulaters so that you can spot them. Hang in there dear and if you need an ear just pm me . Believe me I have been there and there is a way out .