My husband mother

[armywife2009101]

My husband just turned 17 when we had our child. When his parents found out that we were pregnant the first thing out of his mothers mouth was " is it yours?". His parents never met me and I was pissed that he mom just assumed that I was a whore. The second thing out of his moms mouth was " Do you want me to pay for an abortion" WTF? Im pro choice but this is her first grand child that she is talking about. Well through out my pregnancy his mom got over it and we became close. My mother was never around and I felt like his mom was the mom I never had. My husband joined they Army. While he was in boot camp she would write him letters. One letter she wrote she put "Katie moved your pay check in the savings account do you have excess to the savings account or is it just in her name" First of all its called a savings account for a reason. Second I had my own job, I didn't need his pay check so I moved his in a savings account. Then she wrote him that she is concerned with what Jack is eating because I fed him pizza one day. She made it seem like that was all I was feeding him not to mention she fed him pizza before  I did!! But its ok that she did but its not that I did. The thing that set me off is she wrote him a letter referring to his choice to go to ranger school. She wrote "if you want to go to Ranger school then do it for you, don't listen to what Katie wants she has no idea about what sacrifices you have made" Im sorry but I made sacrifices to. Every mom does. Every decision that my husband makes effects me and our baby.  Why shouldn't I have a say so? For the record I told Eric that if he wanted to do Ranger school then do it. Anyways, when im around she is nice to me. I hate it when people are fake nice and that is what she is. We moved 14 hours away from them because of his duty station and its been great being away from her. Now my hubby is being deployed to Afghanistan in Jan. I will be moving back to NC because I want to be with my family while he is away. She lives a couple of mins away from my dad. She is already up my ass trying to find somewhere to live because she doesn't like my parents. On jacks first bday we had his party at my grandparents. She didn't even come! Then she bought him some cheap ass toy and acted like her present alone was god gift to him. I cant even remember what it is. I hate her. I know  that's a strong word but when I'm around her I go out of my way to not speak to her. My husband told me to just forget the things she said. I cant. She thinks that her son being gone is the worst possible thing and it only effects her. New flash it doesn't. My kid is going a year without his dad. I'm going a year without my husband. We have been married for 8 months and I have only been with him for 4 months of it. I don't want to be around her , I know I need to get over it but I cant . Has anyone been in this situation???

[MSugarKane]

Dec. 16, 2009 at 7:41 AM

You have the 'classic' mother in law.  Just yes her to death and then go home and do what you want to do.  Don't offer her information she doesn't need to know .    And she sounds pretty much like a normal MIL !  

[Lb128f]

Dec. 16, 2009 at 11:11 PM

I'm sorry. You really don't have to "get over it"...but, if you want to keep the peace between your MIL and DH, you and DH, MIL and you...and so on...you should try and let whatever she says "roll" -- you know. Because, she has (at times) been good to you...and I am sure she does love you too...she just loves her "little boy" more! :-) And...I KNOW you "get that", because you have a baby and you know that no one (not a spouse) is ever going to be the same as caring about your own child. I don't know why your DH shared the letters with you...he really should just throw away "crap" like that...his Mom saying stupid stuff doesn't always have to be shared with you. Like the savings issue (BTW: you sound like a mature and responsible adult)...on the savings...HE should have told his Mom -- my WIFE is taking care of saving money for US, I'm okay with what she is doing and you should be too and if not, that's okay...because she and I are a family and we are happy with each other. You know...I mean it's HIS Mom...let him "handle" her. And, tell him you don't what to hear stupid BS like that when HE knows you are doing what is right. Grrr. Anyway...I understand you wanting to be home (close to family)...but, maybe you can find a place that is closer to them and not so close to her? I hope so...and maybe you could just see her when dropping off or picking up your child...I mean there really isn't any reason why YOU have to spend time with her. And..at some point...in a mature and calm manner...let her know about the things that have hurt you...and ask her to please back off. Some parents are pushy because they have had to be that way with their children growing up...maybe she is slow in getting that you all are adults, lol! :-) Either way...communicating with her may help. Good Luck!

Please tell your DH -- THANK YOU for all he does for us! ;-)

[lilangilyn]

Dec. 17, 2009 at 7:01 AM

My first MIL was a bitch on wheels. She was always badmouthing me to my ex and criticizing my parenting skills, really everything. Try to ignore her and if it gets too bad, appeal to your husband to shut her up.

I do think that her reaction to your pregnancy was a normal one. Not nice, but normal considering the age of your husband then. And it sounds like he is not too much older now, so he may be easily influenced by her.

[clearascrystal]

Jan. 18, 2010 at 12:03 PM

I can so relate to you. You are going through a lot and I will pray for God to  bring you peace, especially while your husband is gone. Being separated from your spouse is really hard and can destroy your marriage if you don't work at it.. Try to communicate with him as much as you can by writing letters and online. Remember that he misses you too. And he is doing what he loves so that he can provide for your family. God will give you both the strength to get through this. Nothing is impossible with his strength! As far as your mother in law, she sounds awful but maybe she's not as bad as you think. Try to build a relationship with her and get to know her better. Maybe she's not as bad as you think.