So my life....

[moodywife]

Ok I am getting married on Sunday I am so excited my mom and everyone is comming up from LA and I am in love with my fiancee so much,BUT......I am so depressed about stupid stuff. Ok so EVERYNIGHT I try to get going to the gym,but everynight I am not able to. I dont want to go by myself since it would only be my second time going but I get caught up in the kids,by the time they go to bed I am tired!!!! I wanna lose weight so bad! I feel as though I am going to always be this big I am 270 and only 5'5 yes I carry my weight well but everytime I look into the mirror I am DISGUSTED! Am I really this big? How did I let myself go so long? I blame it on my pregnancies sicne I gain anywhere from 70-150 pounds while preg (something about my body) but I am so depressed I wanna lose some weight and everytime I eat I hate myself even if its healthy,tonight I way over did it,yes it was a "healthy pizza" but I ate 4 pieces and some salad,and earlier I had a HUGE sub,I try to eat healthy but Its not working.....am I always gona be this fat?