Have you ever just been tired? (a vent)

[meryclaire]

I am so tired of being the only person who wants or does for this family. I am tired of being the "brains behind the operation". He thinks because he works he is so great, he doesn't even know how much we pay for bills each month because that is my job. My job is 24 hrs a day. I understand that when I decided to become a mother that was what I chose but really, does it have to feel like I am not in a team but the one that does all the work and gets none of the credit? When he was in Colorado I was here being a single mom, I worked, came home and cleaned and took care of the kids. I was a single mom with two kids. Now that he is here I feel like a single mom with 3 kids and I am pregnant. I am so frustrated. He wanted a cat, I told him that I can not clean the litter box and that I didn't want a cat. We have a new baby on the way and a 2 year old that isn't exactly nice all the time. I told him my mother is allergic to cats and that would make it so that she can't come over anymore. I told him that we can't afford to take care of the cat. He brought home the kitten and we had her for 3 weeks and I hated every minute of it. The cat pooped under the Christmas tree because he would forget to clean her box, she attacked the 2 year old and bit her yesterday so I gave her to a neighbor (with his consent). This morning he very seriously tells me he wants a dog. I am not a pet person, I have a hard time with people who aren't responsible pet owners, who get them fixed and get their shots. Since we have no money that would be us.

He wants to get his CDL and the state will pay for him but he has to pass a TABE test first and I know that he can't. He can hardly read, has a hard time adding simple numbers has no idea how to do fractions or decimals. He worked for an hour on how to figure out his monthly pay. Even though he has a paper saying he has a high school diploma he really has a 4th grade education. He paid people in high school to do his work and spent all of his time smoking pot. I don't mind helping him learn, but he has to help him self and refuses to face facts. He has a lot of work to pass this test in 15 days. We got a TABE test study guide and some practice questions, my father and mother (both retired but great teachers) have volunteered to help him with what I can't and he just gets mad and doesn't want to do it. He works now as a delivery driver for Domino's and makes 6.25 and hour plus tips. He doesn't want me to work but thinks that we should have a better life. He isn't willing to do what it takes to get that better life and tries to keep me from getting that for us. I want to be a nurse but we don't have money for child care even if I could get financial aid for school and heaven forbid he supports us while I am going to school. I am a SAHM, what would it hurt if I could find a way to go to school? I love him but spend so much time being frustrated and angry because he is a stubborn self centered man. I am thinking about being done. (Not just for this but for other things in the past as well that I can not get over) I am a Christian so I don't want to divorce him for the reason that its not what God intended. I don't know what to do but I hate feeling depressed because I am in a position that sucks that I can't get out of without hurting someone.

[mommabiggs]

Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:02 AM

Apply for assisted child care thru the state. There are also programs that will pay for your schooling AND child care. I would def. Talk to a state worker about your options...

 Your parents could even qualify to be paid to watch your kids for you as a relative provider...

And don't be too hard on him... He does have a job. That is alot better than some men out there that don't even try to hold a job down.

 Yes, an unmotivated person is very annoying... But there is nothing that you getting upset about would help. If he doesn't pass... then maybe it would be a good time to say hey hun... I am going to school. Heres the program that will cost us ----- and i have daycare options lined up already. I start -----. He will probibly be depressed and say what ever.

 

You must take care of you and your munchkins. Don't depend on others to "give you permission"...

[NannyB.]

Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:26 AM

I think we are neighbors.  I grew up in Greensburg, Ky. and now live in Bowling Green.  We've all felt just like you at one time or another, so don't lose hope.  My guess is your hubby probably feels really bad about himself and would greatly improve with the right kind of encouragement.  Just tell him you know he can learn enough to pass this test and get a better job and that things will get better for all of you.  Encourage him to let your parents help and try your best to lay all your frustrations on the Lord.   I promise you that He can handle them and that He wants the very best for your family and He wants you all to stay together.  Things will get better!!!!

[meryclaire]

Jan. 7, 2010 at 1:10 PM

Thank you both, giving it up to God has been so hard! But I can try harder with the right kind of encouragement too! NannyB. I know where Bowling Green, we went there in the summer to go to the amusment park with my sisters girl scout troop. We moved out here to be closer to my family and Dan had to leave a job that he was making 14 an hour at and had been at for ever. (they were laying off so that was a big factor in the move) he is down, has never been away from his family  like this but I stress too and I don't think he gets it. I am working hard here and he tells me that I have no faith in him that my family has no faith, we have faith that he can learn otherwise we wouldn't offer to help, we don't have faith that he could just walk in there and pass it.

(Original Poster)