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Daughters will break your heart
- Jan 8, 2010 at 6:23 PM
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I remember growing up and adoring my daddy. Maybe "adore" isn't the right word...to me and my sister his shit didn't stink, the sun rose on his backside, and no matter what my parents disagreed about (minor silly spats mind you...nothing that would send a kid into counseling) HE was always right.
"Don't be mean to my daddy...he can leave the toilet seat up if he wants to!"
As I recall, she wished for me to have a daughter someday that would be just like me.
And then....
It's not that I don't understand that girls gushing over their daddies is normal. I do. But I can admit that I now understand the slight jealously my mother must have felt when little sis and I ran full speed toward the door for our daddy to pick us up for one of his giant bear hugs...or when we took his side...on everything...forever and ever, amen.
I know Katie loves me, probably as much as she loves my husband. And I LOVE that he loves having a daughter. (I could never have the power to get him into a crown with pink jewels and a bib for a tea party. I can't even get him to put his socks in the hamper.) But I can admit that sometimes when I ask for a hug and she gives it to HIM instead...it's a little sad. I feel a little left out of their special "father-daughter" world.
When she wants "daddy" to read her the story or doesn't want me to join in on the tea party...I do feel a bit hurt. I mean...I was the one who woke up with her every two hours to feed her as a baby. I'm the one who plans the birthdays and the Christmases and the special traditions that I never understood until I was grown...but now I think of my own mother and realize the sacrifices she made for me and the LOVE that was put into every trip to the zoo and every cooking baking fiasco.
I am the one working right now. Granted, it's from home so I still see her throughout the day...and it just makes me sad that she doesn't see the hard work I do so she can have food and clothes and Christmas presents. Daddy taught her how to play tea party...so my piddly hot meals and warm winter clothes just don't measure up to a two year old. Not that it would matter...my mom did not have a job when I was a small child, so it was still daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy!
So it goes I guess. For now I'm just treasuring every kiss she throws my way and savoring every "I love you so much Mommy!" I know she feels it all the time, even if she doesn't say it. I always did too.
As for me and my mother...she's my very best friend in this world. Nobody knows me like she does...not even my daddy...who I still adore by the way. Possibly not even my husband...because although he has my present and future...my mother also has my past. I look back now, and I realize that everything she did was for me and my sister. And I'm sorry if I ever made her cry with my careless childish ways. I never meant to. And I hope that someday Katie and I will share a wonderful adult friendship when I no longer have to send her to time out and be the "mean one". I hope she remembers the good things.
And I hope she has a daughter just like her.
Comments:
Too true!
I'm still waiting for my mother and I to get along like that. I'm getting ready to get married and we still argue far too often. It's comforting to know that it will probably end when I have kids of my own.
and I'm sure I will understand exactly what you're saying when I have a little girl of my own. Everything was daddy, daddy, daddy when I was growing up, too. There is just something about daddys and their daughters and mommys and their sons :)
You have tugged at my heart-strings. We have two girls, and this is very much them (or was when they were small. Now that they're older, it's evened out, as it has for you and your mom.
And my bio-dad is missing in action (by his choice). I haven't seen him for years, and he wasn't by most accounts a great dad. But do you know what? He was still my daddy.
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She will, you could have been discribing my girls with their father, today they have girls of their own and we are best of friends.........enjoy it, they grown up really, really quick!
- grandmomma5
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