Overwhelmed...

[LexeesMama]

So this is pretty much just a little vent for me but we'll see just how little i can keep it....

Im currently realizing many things about myself that I would like to change. And im feeling rather overwhelmed by it all. Im excited, but nervous, having some anxiety over the issues, and I can't seem to put it into gear.

I've started making a goal list and so far my list consists of things that in theory sound great and I'm really excited to do but lately Im just not in the mood for much. Here's my list...

1. Lose weight...again for the upteenth time I'm trying to get down below the 200 mark at least. I have a Wii Fit...a pretty good eating plan...but i just haven't started anything...nor do i really have the desire too at the moment.

2. Quit smoking - for obvious reasons i would like to kick this habit for good. But i don't want to use patches or gum or pills...cold turkey is the way im going...right now Im down to my last two cigs...and at the moment i'm ok but having some anxiety over the fact that I don't have anymore. But i know i can get through this because even as I was on my way home from work i wanted to stop and grab an extra pack...but I didn't...i don't myself outloud...just do this...you can beat it. and so I didn't stop at the store and just came home. I noticed that I spaced out my smokes this evening too.

3. Getting and keeping my house clutter free...while i am not by any means a dirty filty person...i have lots of clutter...not hoarding potential...but enough to feel like it won't end...i just recently got all my stuff for the ex husbands house and so now i just have to tackle the mountain of rubbermaid totes and find a place for everything.  I do feel that by cleaning out my clutter i will feel good about cleaning out the clutter in my head as well.

4. Being more proactive in my daughter's therapy/school work/ etc....while i do participate in some way I feel like my daughter's potential is much greater and Im possibly the one holding her back. She's autistic and doesn't communicate verbally but is very capable of learning. I just need to change alot of routine things in my life and hopefully be a better parent.

Those were in no particular order...i don't want slack saying i should put my child first...because i do...but i do need to put more effort and I recognize that....

I thought by writing this down on here would give me some boost of energy or motivation but it's not really working...Im tired and just want to sleep now...so not sure what to do...