the beginning of the end....

[happymommy82]

Yesterday we decided that it would be better if we got divorced. I can't lie, even though I knew it was coming after everything has changed so much, I was still sad. I still cried as I led Liriel out of the McDonald's and we went our separate ways. I can't help but feel like a failure. 7 years of my life and it's over. We're going to work out the logistiics later this week. I guess I need to find myself a lawyer and be informed of my choices. Feeling depressed today, but believe it will get better. It will, right? Please tell me it does.

[CloudWeaver]

Jan. 12, 2010 at 11:15 AM

Actually it does. Ya'll may be great friends in the process. I know what you are going thru. I may be going thru my second one here soon. Dont know. So read my latest journal entry. You may find the strength to get thru what you have too. Keep me in touch. Best of luck!

Have a great day!:)

[bearsbabies]

Jan. 12, 2010 at 11:24 AM

It will get better momma, sometimes change is good.

[NannyB.]

Jan. 12, 2010 at 11:32 AM

I don't think divorce is ever better.  There are rare occasions when it may be necessary, but it is never the better option, especially when there are children involved.  Couples marry with the expectation that they will be blissfully happy for the rest of their lives, but that really does only happen in fairy tales.  When our expectations are not fulfilled, we think we made a mistake or that we would be happier with someone else.  Marriage is about giving up parts of us for the good of the other and for the good of the marriage.  When we are willing to do that, things begin to change.  One thing that causes many marriages to fail is that we go into it as only partial persons, expecting that the spouse will somehow complete us and make us feel whole.  In reality, we should be whole before we get married, but you can become whole within marriage by learning to be your own person and to set some boundaries as to where you end and your spouse begins.  Another big mistake people make is that they skip the friendship stage and go directly to the intimate stage.  My guess is that you and your husband love each other very much and that your marriage has great potential.  You just had too many unmet expectations and you weren't friends who loved each other unconditionally so you found your love defined by your expectations.  I plead with you to reconsider and to rebuild on what I believe is probably a very good foundation for a marriage.  And you already know quite a bit about each other, so you could really concentrate on the positive parts and build a friendship within the marriage.  Your children will thank you if you can do that!

[krisytina03]

Jan. 12, 2010 at 1:10 PM

I will say that while I do not know what you are feeling I do know that sometimes it is the last decision any parent has to make. However, I think that if you both feel that this is the right decision then it will get better. While I am not a big proponent of divorce I do beleive that subjecting children to a horrible relationship can damage them later in life. Seeing parents that are miserable in their relationship gives them the wrong idea about marriage. If you both feel that it can be salvaged at a later time then good for ya'll. The only reason I feel the way I do about divorce is because I came from a family that divorce was a rarity. Not because of religious reasons, but b/c there was much love between all.

If you need any shoulder to cry on you have so many friends here to help you! I know that the first friend said that she had been through it, so she might be a good one to really talk to. Or maybe someone who has a different view on marriage/divorce as well. Either way, there is TONS of support for you on here!! Keep your chin up and cry when you need to. And do not blame yourself!!! It takes two! to make a relationship work.  HUGS!!

[happymommy82]

Jan. 12, 2010 at 9:55 PM

Thank you for the support. The majority things fell apart is the fact we've spent the past 5 years living in his parents house. Both my kids shared a room with us which was cramped to say the least. We've lived off of unemployment and part time jobs a lot of the time, due to the fact that we couldn't afford childcare so I could work. Hubby kept telling me he had it all under control when in reality he was in way over his head, just didn't want to admit it. I got to the point where something had to change and because he lacked the motivation or desire to actively do something to make it happen, I took the responsibility and moved out with the girls.  He told me just before I moved out that the reason he let me down was because he was too proud to ask for help and admit he needed it. I'm sorry, but after five years of trusting, depending, leaning on him to create the life we all needed and not seeing ANY change, I had enough. I moved out with the girls and now my oldest daughter has her own room, I have my own space, am well on my way to finding a full time job while he still "looks" for a one while working his diddly part time one at McDonald's. He's been told to go to this place and that place to find employment and NEVER does it. Even now, when he's there by himself with only himself to take care of except one night a weekend when he has the girls, he still hasn't made the effort. I considered counseling, but just believe that things have changed so much, it wouldn't help.  I lost respect for him a long time ago, but refused to admit it to myself, well, one day I woke up. I realized that I could not and WOULD not, rely on him for anything because he was going to be content to stay at his mom's house for the rest of his life and I wanted MORE for my girls and myself.  I never believed that divorce was the answer for troubled marriages, but my girls have to come first and taking care of them is my only priority, he wasn't doing it, so now I have to. I hope this clears things up a bit.

(Original Poster)