My three year old is being a terror?! * Updated* she's not REALLY a terror. :)

[Nicole101306]

Oh my gosh mama's. My three year old is being just down right B-A-D. I NEVER felt this way when she was 2?  I think today is the first time she has ever made me cry. I mean of course I am pregnant so maybe I'm a little over emotional. lol. But holy crap, she's been acting like I'm basically the devil and everything I do or ask her to do is HORRIBLE and nothing I do is good enough to make her happy... and she's only THREE! lol... I'm soooo scared of 16 now... I might as well start looking for a good psychiatrist (for myself) now. :) ... and then as soon as I put her in time out she's all "I want my daaaddddddddyyyyyyyyy." ... and when I finally feel like we are having some good quality bonding time she finds something else to start throwing a temper tantrum about... but the worst part is that she is not acting this way towards my husband, when he gets home from work she's attached to his hip and as sweet as pie to him, it really makes me feel like maybe I'm the bad parent.   I'm sure this is all super normal.. and I'm not really looking for any advice... just journaling I guess. :) I hella miss my sweetheart who thought I was awesome... please tell me this doesn't last too long????

Update:

So after I had all week to really figure out what was going on and what I need to do, this is what I've realized...

1. I've been way to stressed lately and she can visibly see and feel that and is simply reacting to those emotions that I'm having a hard time controling myself.

I really do believe that girl is one of the most empathic people I have ever met, and being an empath myself I know how easy it is to confuse other people's feelings for your own.

2. On top of that and seperate from that, but probably the biggest issue... my poor little sweetheart has to spend 24/7 with me! :) I think it's probably getting to her! lol. but seriously.. before I stopped working a couple months ago she at least got to go see a babysitter for a short time most days and had a little friend there her own age and we could afford community rec dance class for her. Now it's just me me me.. I'm ALWAYS with her, I'm her only friend, teacher, parent, Ms know-it-all... :) ... and I'm sure that is no good for her what so ever. The good news is that hopefully in the next couple months we can get her into preschool, dance class and gymnastics ... so she can.. to put it frankly... have a life again. Poor little girl needs friends, other adults. and space!!

so anyways ... there's my update on the sitch peeps. :) LOVE laughter and happily ever afters. :)  

[mcqueenmom]

Jan. 12, 2010 at 2:33 PM

lol welcome to motherhood with a 3 year old, I have one to at home!!!!

[mamalinzie]

Jan. 12, 2010 at 2:54 PM

Yea, this sounds like how my DD was when she first turned 3.  Two was much, much easier. Now that she is getting closer to 4, she is easier to handle. But we still have our moments.

Tantrums are a normal, natural, HELPFUL part of being a small child. They are very limited in what they can and cant do and its frustrating. Their emotions build up and they must be released. A tantrum is just their intense emotions bubbling over. 

Each kid needs their parents to respond differently. Some want to be comforted, some just want to be left alone to work it out on their own. Some need their comfort item.  Just make sure that you arent punishing her for her negative emotions. It sends the message their feelings are bad and they shouldnt have them.  Just give her a safe place to express her emotions, and be there for her when she is done.

I do my best to get to the root of the problem instead of punishing. Sit back and ask yourself what is going on with her. Why might she be feeling the need to act out? Is she tired? Hungry? Bored? Over-stimulated?  Etc.

There are so many great books that have CHANGED MY LIFE and the way I parent.

"Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn.

"How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will talk."

"Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles".

"Playful Parenting."

 

[chevpam]

Jan. 12, 2010 at 3:32 PM

  A book, "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours"  by Dr Kevin Leman     You may or may not wish ti use the Kevin Leman Memorial Doorknob   It's a doorknob put on backwards so the lock is on the outside.  Dr Leman's mom one time asked him "Did you lock my granddaughter in her room?  He said yes, she said "You, You Psychologist!"  I have the book, I might reread it, my kids are grown, i have four grandkids, they're wonderful.   One thing, when correcting, is "don't watch the show"  your kid wants the attention, she's been naughty,  ignore her if you can, then talk to her after your through disciplining her.   I hope this helps.

[mamalinzie]

Jan. 12, 2010 at 6:04 PM

Yea, my dad tried that "control his castle" stuff...  it didnt work out so well. None of us respected him, we feared him. We all ran away as far and as fast as we could. It took me a long time and a lot of counseling before I could forgive him and start a relationship with him.  

When your goal is to control, you end up losing a relationship. I dont mean a friendship, I mean a real relationship with your child where they trust and respect you. Where they know you care about their feelings.  It is important to me that my child is happy. We are all equally important in this family. Nobodies happiness is more important that the others.

[Nicole101306]

Jan. 15, 2010 at 6:41 PM

So after I had all week to really figure out what was going on and what I need to do, this is what I've realized...

1. I've been way to stressed lately and she can visibly see and feel that and is simply reacting to those emotions that I'm having a hard time controling myself.

I really do believe that girl is one of the most empathic people I have ever met, and being an empath myself I know how easy it is to confuse other people's feelings for your own.

2. On top of that and seperate from that, but probably the biggest issue... my poor little sweetheart has to spend 24/7 with me! :) I think it's probably getting to her! lol. but seriously.. before I stopped working a couple months ago she at least got to go see a babysitter for a short time most days and had a little friend there her own age and we could afford community rec dance class for her. Now it's just me me me.. I'm ALWAYS with her, I'm her only friend, teacher, parent, Ms know-it-all... :) ... and I'm sure that is no good for her what so ever. The good news is that hopefully in the next couple months we can get her into preschool, dance class and gymnastics ... so she can.. to put it frankly... have a life again. Poor little girl needs friends, other adults. and space!!

so anyways ... there's my update on the sitch peeps. :) LOVE laughter and happily ever afters. :)  

(Original Poster)

[Enchantee]

Jan. 15, 2010 at 9:18 PM

Oh, honey, hugs to both you & Miss Madi!  Love is coming your way...xo...Ceci