our journey that led us to Lady Bug ( lots of updates )

[4thLuvofChildrn]

 

Our Journey, to making our lives more complete.

Loving each other un-conditional, forever.

Before I met my husband, I had been grieving the loss of my daughter for years. My grief was, as if it happened that day. I was so lost and hurt, all alone in this world. I had no desires to have another child. I never thought I would be able to love again like I love her. My heart was, still is broken beyond repair. With my husbands love, Gods strength and guidance I did find myself again. It took many years to not cry every day, at the mere thought of her, I thought of her often. We moved to a different state, different people, different scene. It took 9 years, to get to a place in my heart and mind where I allowed myself to live again. Where I allowed myself to be happy.

My husband and I wanted to have a child together. But in my heart, I do not think I ever got to that place where I could do it all over again. I feared letting go. I feared loving again. I feared hurting more. But I wanted to share something more with my husband. We tried to have a baby. I have PCOS, so I do have to have fertility treatment to have another child. I went in for the treatments, we tried many times. Than we found that my husband has a condition which puts our child at risk. I do not want to take a chance on that, it wouldn’t be fair to the child. We could always use a sperm donor. Its not against my belief I do not believe. But it is against my comfort. I was very uncomfortable with the thought of being that with someone else’s sperm. Even though, I would never have sex with another man, it felt just as bad as if I were. It bothered me so much just the thought of it. I was also very bothered by telling the child he was a donor child, if we didn’t tell it would eat me up to be so dishonest. I have always had adopting in my heart, so the thought of adopting came pretty easy for me. It was a little more difficult for my husband to grasp. We fostered children for over a year in Florida. We wanted to adopt our last foster daughter,, she has 4 brothers, so that wasn’t happening. It broke our hearts to let her go, but we had to. We moved to Alabama, where I was hoping we would get back on our feet to foster/adopt. Living there was a nightmare! My mom moved to South Carolina when I moved to Alabama. So, we moved to South Carolina about a year later. Again, trying to get on our feet. It was hard going from a Military life to a regular life. Almost 5 years later we are there.

January 2009 I called about adoption classes. We filled out the application, went to the classes Feb 5, From that point we had to write a autobiography, one for each of us. Medical exams, testing to see if we are healthy enough to care for a child, testing for TB. DEHEC came out to do a inspection on our home, the fire dept did an inspection,. Then we had our home study. October 8 2009 we received our letter, we are able to adopt 2 children. We asked to adopt a child newborn to 8 years old. Amazingly we were the only family in our class willing to adopt over the age of 3 years old. During the wait for our letter I did many searches on adoptuskids.org . After we got the letter, I emailed our caseworker many times with home study requests. I was looking at children all over the U.S. I asked if we could up the age of adopt as well. After thinking about it and after upping the age on searches each time, andtalking withmy husband of course. The ages went up to age 14 years old. Oksoat this point I am ready to adopt them all (smiles). I emailed our caseworker asking her if there was any way we could meet some of the children at the children’s home, or if there was a picnic, or meeting where we could meet some of the children. She emailed back, YES! Nov21 is adoption celebration day. Perfect, we’ll be there. That was over a month later. We went, showed up one hour early, just in case we were to get lost, or anything were to come up. People stared showing up, we had no idea what to expect. There were children everywhere. To tell which children were foster andwhich children were adoption, the adoption children have buttons on.. We walked around observing everyone.

One of the children was autistic and had to go home, he started beating up on the caseworker. When she came back she apologized for us having to see that. She began asking me questions about the type of child we want to adopt. She later came back and asked boy or girl? She then pointed to this little girl and said, see that girl in the white jacket? Her name is Lady Bug, she is 12 years old and is ready to be adopted. I looked up at her andsaw a child that wanted to be anywhere but there. I asked the caseworker about 2 other girls I had been looking at. She went to go get more information on them. I sat down withChristian, my husband , we talked a little. I jumped up and walked over to Lady Bug. I asked her if she wanted to play tic tac toe, she said no. I said, do you know how to play tic tac toe? She said yes, I said would you teach me how to play? She said yeah. We played tic tac toe and ring toss. Christian came over and played too.  Things were going great,we were all laughing and having a great time. She started getting closer to me and loosing up more. I asked her if she wanted to go watch the Magic man do some tricks, she said oh I already figured out all his tricks. I laughed and said, well lets go entertain him while he tries to entertain us ok. So we did, the moment we walked over he asked me, so are you foster parents or adoptive, I said Adoptive parents. Lady Bug gasps, looks up at me and said, Whats your last name? I said Dreamer, she said Lady Bug Dreamer. I said, that's very pretty. She smiled! The magic man asked us if we were together? She said YES! and stepped even closer. She was telling us what was going to happen before it happened, I was laughing the magic man was getting his nerves tested lol. We then walked away, she was filled with questions. Do you have animals? I love animals.  She then looks over to the magic man and says, oh I know what he is going to do, he is going to change a dollar bill into a five dollar bill. I said you should tell him if he can turn that dollar bill into a hundred dollar bill, now that's a trick. She walked over and he took an ink pen and stick it through the bill.  She was like what? I said now that's cool! He then took the pen out of the dollar and handed it to her to exam. She did, she even smelled it lol. It was great! We were laughing so much. He then did a card trick, making a card disappear.. Well, Lady Bug found it, she snatched it right out of his front pocket. LMBO.. we laughed so hard. That's when I said ok, we will give him a break now lol. We sat down and talked. She told us she is an A honor roll student. she loves basketball andsoccer. We told her how my husband played soccer in school. She liked that, they talked about that for a little while. We talked about her school, what they do and do not do. What she would like to do and all that. I asked her if she had been on the slide yet, she was like nah. I said why not that looks like a lot of fun, so she went a couple times. While she was sliding DH and I were talking.  She came back, we talked more, I asked if she wanted to get her face painted. She said my face painted? I didn't even know this was here. So we looked through the pictures to see which one she wanted to get on her face. We joked about some of them, she then said how about this and pointed to the money sign, DH walked up and pointed to the money sign haha we laughed and finally she looked at me andsaid which one fo you like the most, I said well, either the butterfly or the lady bug. She asked which one I like the most out of them two, I said lady bug she agreed.  ( this is why we call her Lady Bug) We has more laughs, I said spider and the girl who does the painting freaked out, jumped back said where? LOL  So she got her face painted witha lady bug on her cheek.  I then asked her if she had eaten anything, she said no. So we walked over to the food stand. She asked me, if I were to change her name what would I change it to? I told her I liked her name, even though I kept getting it wrong ops. She said but if you were to what name would you? I said, well I really like the name ___. She said then we'll stick with that. ( now this is before ever talking about us adopting her) . She wanted me to order her food and fix it for her, and she asked if I was going to get one too, so I got a hot dog too. I had one already it was enough, but I got another one anyways =) picked at it. I was stuffed!  We sat down andtalked about names. A little boy sat beside her at the picnic table, she stopped talking. I could tell she didn't want to talk withhim around. So I said, lets go sit over at the bench, no one was there. So we did, she ate her hot dog and we talked, DH asked what her favorite color was, she said blue I pointed to Dh so is his. She liked that.. DH took his sun glasses off and looked at her, she flipped, she looked at me pointed to her eyes I said oh wow she was very excited about that. BUT not only do they share the same color, their eye shape is the same.  She starts adding things up, us+her=? then she looks at me and says, are ya'll going to adopt me?   I was so nervous the entire time, I am not wanting to get her hopes to high up but I am not wanting to shoot her down either, I was like this all day, on a medium mode I guess I can say. I then said, well do you want us to adopt you ( DH and I already talked about it) She says YES! I said, well we would love to adopt you, lets just see how things go ok. She said when can I come home? I said, I don't think it works that way, we have to wait and see then we can get like visits, she said what? NO, No visits.. I said, what are we visiting now? she said yes, we are visiting now, lets go home lol

  During all this caseworkers are watching us, everyone(DSS) was watching us really. While at the picnic table a CW brought over her CW's card with name and number on it with the childs name. Then, her CW walked over and she was the same lady who did our fire inspection, she remembered us. She asked us how things were going lol..  A little bit later they were packing things up Lady Bug said No I don't want to go yet. When can I come home with you ? I said I donlt know, we have to see what they say ok. Well, our CW and her CW were already talking.  So we had to get up give hugs and say good bye. She did not want to go. We didn't want her to go either. She walked away with her CW, we walked towards our CW. Out of no where she came back up, they needed to get something that DSS was giving away to the children. That boy that was sitting beside her was a foster bother, or someone who was with them. She waved me to come over to her as she was walking to get her bag. She said, when will I get to come home with you? I said baby I don't, why don't you ask her and I pointed to our CW. She walked over, waited until the cw was finished messing with a dog. She pulled the CW over to the side and asked her. Once she left, our CW came over and told me she had pulled her to the side wanting to know when she can come home with us. She said, we will get the ball rolling on Monday, this was on a Saturday.

  So Monday came, I called our CW, to make sure she gave Lady Bugs CW our home-study. I then called her CW to let her know that we are very interested in adopting Lady Bug. Lady Bug had already talked her CW head off on the way home, she also called her that morning before I called. She told her CW that she wants to change her name.  So then we just wait..

really that's all we have done since.. Just wait. But I have made a point to call her CW once a week, or once every two weeks, almost like a reminder hehe, trying to keep us fresh on her mind. One day her CW told us more about Lady Bug. Not everything, but some about her medical history, why she was in foster care. I told her to save her breath and time, because there is nothing she can tell us that would make us not want to adopt her.

   Before Christmas, I wanted to know what was going on. I had already bought her lots of gifts, so when she gets here we can celebrate Christmas with her, when ever that is. So I was wanting to know what was going on and also I was needing to know what her sizes are. So I called her CW, I asked her if it was ok if we bought her something for Christmas. She said sure, so I asked her clothing sizes. She had to get them for me, she said she wouldn't be able to get her the gifts until after Christmas. Because everything has to go though the DSS office at this point. I said ok. Well Christmas came and went, I did buy her some clothes, but I didn't get to much. All through Christmas I wondered if she even knew we really want to adopt her andwe are adopting her.  Because we are so not in the loop. So I wondered if  maybe she knew more. So I called her CW to let her know I did not forget about her for Christmas, we have a lot of gifts for her here. But as far as the clothes go, I realised it maybe best if I waited until she was with us before getting those. I do not know her style and though I may think something is cute, she may not. She understood and agreed. ( I did buy her some  for when she gets here she will have those, until we buy her new ones) .  I then said, I know you have to be sensitive about what all she knows and things. She said yes, I said but does she know that we want to andare adopting her?  She said YES! she very much knows that. She must call her CW weekly  or more. I then told her that we have a scrapebook we started at the beginning of all this. I wanted to know if maybe we could give it to her for Lady Bug. She yes, yes that would be perfect for her life book. So I had to finish that book up, take picture of the house and her bedroom. I also added the poem I wrote for her. Its short but is all I have done since meeting her.

Update, I took the book and a gift(2) to her CW. The CW said her birth records are what is being held up. But the hosp is sending them finally and they sould have them within a week or so.  So YAY! (beginning of Jan 2010) 

 Well two more weeks have came and went.. They still do not have all the medical records. I have no idea why they didn't idea asking for medical record once she came up for adoption. You would think they would want to have this stuff ready. Maybe they are stalling to see if we are really serious about her. They have no other families they are considering. There are other families that  have inquired since we met her. But they are not taking any, because she said we are it.  That is a great thing. But still its been since Nov 21. Its now Jan 22 and we can't see or talk to her until we read those files/records. I did call her CW yesterday. I called to see if she got her gifts, she said no. Not yet! She will get them Friday, today. I said well, if the boots do not fit, the receipt is-in one of the boots, she can take it back for the right size. But I did buy the size she told me to =) saying that if it doesn't fit she either grew or the shoes she is wearing now are to small, fm needs to buy her new shoes lol..  She said if she doesn't have the record by Friday, she will call them on Monday. I said can you call them today? get their butts in gear. I told DH why doesn't she just go to the HOSP and get them herself lol. Its not far from where she is. She did say the Hosp said there was a lot to send, so she had a very large file. Lots of reading! 

  Breath Breath!  And also, we are looking to buy a house. Well, the schools here are awful, was told even the private school was bad. Well, I did some research and the private school doesn't have any academics she likes. So for better schooling I will be taking her to a different county anyways. So we might as well move. We have been living here in this rental for 5 years. Its to small, 2/2 the land is great 2.5 ac. So we are looking for a bigger house, near better schools. If we stay here, or buy this place, we wouldn't be able to adopt a son. or even adopt a  younger child. Plus I wouldn't want to give her her own room just to take it away. This is something she is looking forward to, I want to make her happy. Will she be spoiled? probably. Is this a bad thing, I don't think so. As long as she isn't a spoiled brat.. Sorry for the term. I think its important to teach children about the value of things. And they we do not have to have a ton of things to be happy and content with life.  

  I should have been dating these all along... today is March 15, 2010 I called Lady Bugs CW last week, she said they had the meeting where they presented us to the adoption committee. We were one of three families for Lady Bug, they picked us YAY!! Even though we knew we would be, nothing is 100% until we are presented they say yes to us we read her back groundwhich we will say YES to.. No Doubt!! I keep imaging her here withus. I can't stop thinking about her. We have a foster son with us now. He is beautiful andso sweet. Very easy to fall in love with. He has been withusfor a month on the 17th. I have been so worried andfreaking out. I do not want anything to mess up us getting Lady Bug here. I am really enjoying him here with us. Makes my mind go anddream. Of course I cry like you could only imagine. I would love him to stay with us forever. He would have a wonderful big sister. But I keep telling myself and him that he will get to go back home to his mommie and daddy soon. But if he doesn't I would be ok with that =) tee hee hee.. So I called Lady Bugs Caseworker today to make sure she knew we have him, ask her if we should or not bring him withus during visits with Lady Bug, if he is still with us. She is leaving that up to us. I wish we could talk to Lady Bug.. I know we will very soon, b ut its not soon enough =P We have to get our Sled check updated andthe animals their shots up to date. We should be reading her background soon. I told the Caseworker to not waste her time on that.. There is nothing it could say that would make us not want to be her mommy anddaddy. Our county DSS Foster Care has asked me to get involved withtheir Foster Parent Association. I was first told that I would be great for helping with the FPA. Than I went to DSS office for Little Mans visit. I told them about us thinking about leaving county to buy a house. The DSS Director told me they are needing someone to take over the FPA. That she wants me to take over the FPA. I was like uhhhhh in my mind. I am not saying I couldn't do  it, but that's much bigger than helping. So we have a meeting on Thursday. I will take my ideas withme. I think its important to get involved withthings in our community. What a way to help. I think this may teach our daughter something good. Many counties through the U.S are low on foster homes. There are way more children than there are homes. There are many children in group homes due to the lack of foster homes. Our Lady Bug was in a group home for just this reason. It was really hard on her, she was 9 years old. That breaks my heart thinking about her having to be there, any child having to be there. I so wish Lady Bug was with us now. I wish we could start our new lives and just live. I miss her so much.

May 10,2010 I talked to Lady Bugs caseworker last week. I try calling every week or so to get updates. Really making sure things are rolling and they haven't forgotten about us. So when I called she said she is waiting on a phone call about Lady Bugs father, to see if they had any info on him or not. Either way the phone call is the last of it. Once she gets a yes, put the info in or a no and puts that in they will then make a date andcall us withthat date. We will go in for them to present us withher backgroundsummary. We then take it home with us talk it over, as if we haven't talked about a million times or more since Nov 21, 2009 when we met her. Even though we pretty much know everything there is to know, we still have to go home with the bacjkground and "think". We then call her and let her CW letting her know yes we would still love to be her mommie and daddy. I was told this could take place within a week or two. Sense we are in the 2ndweek of May now, it should be no later then next week. I haven't held my breath this far I am not about to start now. But I am very excited and nervous =)

 

June 6th, I was told by a couple moms that have gone through what I am going through. They said I should contact her CW's SV. I really don't want to, for fear that will only slow things down more. Her CW is very sweet, I am sure is doing all she can. Even though its not as fast as I hoped for. But I have been trying to just go with the flow. The timing has given us plenty of time to have things together and well I have put it in my heart and mind, it will happen when its suppose to. When ever that is, it will be right on time. Now, this doesn't mean I am thrilled with the wait. Because no matter what I have told my heart and mindI want her here with us, like 7 months ago. Yes its been going on 7 months now. So no matter how I felt about calling I did pick up the phone and call. I was being so coy about it. I called the lady that does the classes. I asked about our finances on paper, I was worried about something that may have been there that has changed. I then said, oh uhm do you have CW's SV name and number? She said well, CW just walked by do you want to talk to her. I said uhm uh uh not really no, I talk to her alot as it is. She said no its ok, talk to her as much as you want or need. So.. I said yesh I do, but I still want her SV's name andnumber. She has to find it, call me back with it. She transferred me to CW's line, I got the voice mail and so I hung up. I was already in the process of emailing her. I had never written her a email before,  as far as I can recall. So I emailed her;

CW, I hope I didn't say anything to offend you in any way, when we were talking over the phone a couple weeks ago. We lost connection, I have been hoping it wasn't anything I said.

  I am also hoping things get moving much faster with us and Lady Bug. As you know we have a family reunion coming up in July. I would like for us to start bonding before then. Also I have to enroll her in the private school in July. I know I must sound like I am rushing things, it has been going on 7 months now.

  We already met Lady Bug, have talked to her the once. I understand things have to go in uniform order. But considering we have already met her, she knows we want her a part of our family. We are moving in that direction. I do not see why we haven't been able to have contact with her in this 7 months, allowing us to bond with her during this process. Please call me or write me back thank you

 

   So within like 3 minutes after sending it to her my phone rings. I am not sure how soon after but it was very soon after =) CW was very sweet, she always is. But, she was a little extra I think. She assured me I said nothing to offend her in any way and there was nothing I said or did that was in anyway wrong. She told me I have been very kind and patient, un like other moms waiting. LOL.. She said I am doing everything right, its just the process. She is waiting for the Back Ground summary to come back and be good enough. She feels there is no reason it wouldn't be. I should hope not, she has sent that thing is and back like 100 times. The only thing she had to put on there was Lady Bugs Bio fathers info. I asked her just that, isn't that the only thing you had to fix? She said yes. I am like ok then you should get it back soon? She said well the lady that does that is swamped. Well its not like she has to read the entire things over again. Just that one part. She agreed but said we will have time to bond with Lady Bug before reunion. And she will be with us in time to be enrolled into school. That sounds real nice, but is that true? As you can tell we started this in Nov, with Jan being the date. Its now June. I asked about us having contact with her. She said, that no because if we bond with her before the presentation, and things don't work out then that can really hurt Lady Bug. I know that, but that's no different than her moving in with us, or visits, bonding and it not working out. I would think.. Its the same concept, isn't it? She said she was going to see if we could have phone calls. I have been waiting since the 6th to hear back about that. It is now June 11. I did try calling her but she wasn't in today. Maybe she is waiting to see if things get moving, and we will have visits, won't need the calls. I can only hope huh? A lot of time has gone by with much worry and heartache, I think it makes ne that much stronger. Our daughter will be 13 years old soon (lady Bug) I think I may need all the strength I can get before then. I have gone over everything A-Z with a thin tooth comb. I 2nd guess myself, think it to death. No matter the books, the experience the advice and the laws of anything, (life), we never know whats going to happen next. And even though we say this is what I would do if__ doesn't mean that's what you actually do when that happens. We are just going to go with the flow, that's all anyone can do. Just be prepared for the worst haha.. No really just be more prepared for anything. All I want to do is love her like she has never been loved before, for the rest of my life and beyond. I know how I feel about all this, I can only imagine what she is going through now.. I am sorry if this has been all over the place. Thank you for reading and for all your comments. 

 

I’ll write more later

Katina

[mysweet1s]

Jan. 14, 2010 at 10:45 AM

Can't wait to hear the rest of your story! Beautiful!

[chelleybeans]

Jan. 14, 2010 at 7:58 PM

OMG I can't wait to hear the rest either! This is such a beautfiul story and has made the option of adoption look more appealing to me.

[mlmartinez]

Feb. 6, 2010 at 8:41 PM

I wish I would have been adopted out of foster care by yall! You sound like you will be great parents!

[phoeber]

Feb. 6, 2010 at 11:51 PM

That is a great story! I hope all works out for you all and that everything speeds up and gets done soon so you can all start your lives together! You seem to be wonderful ppl and will be great parents to that little girl. I wish you the Best of luck in your journey.

[ZachsMom325]

Feb. 7, 2010 at 9:26 AM

Great story , can't wait to read the rest.

I hope the very best for all of you.

[ZachsMom325]

May. 27, 2010 at 5:11 PM

Anymore updates?

[meme4x]

May. 29, 2010 at 4:34 PM

You must have the patience of Job, I think I would have had to insert a story of losing it with a caseworker.LOL. You indeed will be a blessing to this child.

[kaylabugsmama]

Jun. 6, 2010 at 2:44 PM

Your an awesome couple! Sounds like you will be getting a beautiful daughter! Good Luck and I hope everything works out for you!

[4thLuvofChildrn]

Jun. 11, 2010 at 4:39 PM

Thanks everyone.. I've kept my cool, no matter how I havd felt.. I do need to update whats going on.. So I will do that soon. Also I have made another screen name (account). Name is LadyBuglove. I am going to try and get all of my journals over there as well as your comments. I do not want to lose them but, I have been moved to change my screen name, this is the only way to do that. ( my love for her)

 

(Original Poster)