The Big Deception

[aluca]

The Big Deception

A terrible wave of deception seems to have swept across marriages lately. It is no respecter of gender, age, or race. It’s an equal opportunity offender! And while it isn’t anything new, it certainly has become more alarmingly prevalent than ever before. The deception I speak of is our “feelings”.

Countless marriages are going along with everyday life, as unsuspecting innocent bystanders, if you will… when suddenly it strikes! One spouse begins saying things such as, “I’m not happy anymore. I haven’t been in a long time. I don’t “feel” like I’m in-love with you anymore.” It’s as if a carbon copy is being made. I keep seeing the same exact situation, as it moves from one couple to another. In most cases, there is another person involved. This outsider has noticed your spouse, given them compliments, and attention, perhaps an emotional affair has even begun, and presto, the “feelings” take over. Now the “deceived one”, is getting the butterflies, experiencing those adrenaline rushes we often get with our first crush, and overall being consumed by their feelings. This destructive behavior goes on to harm everyone in its path, including the deceived one.

We can’t live by our feelings. They come and go, changing all the time. These emotions give a distorted sense of reality. Rather than seeing the positive things in your marriage, valuing & honoring your vows, and considering the true repercussions of ending your relationship, you act only on how you “feel”. Sadly, once the euphoria is over, the deceived one is left with regret, heartache, and confusion as to how this happened. They desperately want the life they once had back, but it is too late. Their former spouse has either moved on to find happiness, or can never give of their love & trust to this person again.

If you are the one being blinded (the “deceived one”), WAKE-UP before it is too late. Don’t throw away your marriage for a fast and fleeting feeling. Stop, and look at the whole picture, everything you’ve built together. Instead of thinking about what you’re not getting, begin to ask yourself, “what aren’t you giving?” Things do get tough, or sometimes routine in marriage, however you took vows to stay together in “good times and bad”. How easily we forget the part about bad times. Once you marry, you are family. Do you simply leave your family, when things get difficult? Families are supposed to stay together and work things out. In my opinion, if you have a spouse who is not cheating, not abusing you, not gambling all of your income, not allowing drug or alcohol abuse to diminish your relationship, then you are truly blessed. Love is not simply a feeling, it is a commitment. One which you entered into by choice when you said, “I do”. Don’t wait until it’s too late to realize that the grass is hardly ever greener on the other side. Instead, start fertilizing the grass you have!!

Written by

Angie R. Lucarini