Tantrums are Your Own Fault!

[HoustonMom22]

It is about 5 o'clock in the evening on a Sunday night. My husband and I have done everything over the weekend except grocery shopping, and it can't wait because we were out of 3 basic staples in our house: milk, cereal and toilet paper. So, we head to the local super-store and spend at least an hour filling the basket to the brim. On the way out, we pass by the toy section and allow our (then-three year old) son, Bobby to pick a toy. Therein laid the problem. He was allowed to pick ‘a' toy. One. Uno. Not two, not a set, not just one small extra. One. This did not rest well with my already tired son, and the result was a full-blown tantrum in the middle of the aisle.  Screaming, crying, begging, kicking and refusing to move were just the beginning. In the midst of this melt-down, somehow the 24 pack of Dr. Pepper cans on top of my basket popped open. 24 soda cans, some spewing Dr. Pepper in a volcanic like explosion began rolling down the aisles, under the shelves...everywhere! No one bothered to help me. They just looked at me and shook their head then pretended not to notice. So did I. I picked up my son, left the basket and destruction behind me and bolted from the store.

That was lesson number one in parenting for me. If my child has a tantrum-it is my fault. That day in the store, not only was Bobby tired, hungry and stressed out, but so was I. Prevention became my goal, and here are the things that worked:

1.)    Set a routine for yourself and your child and stick to it! You may be the type of person who could fly to Paris for the weekend and never look back, but the minute you had kids you gave up that liberty for at least the first 10 years. Young kids need a routine. They need to wake up, sleep, eat and play at regular intervals throughout the day. That doesn't mean that you should set the alarm clock for 6 am sharp, serve breakfast at 6:30 and have structured play from 7 to 8 on the dot, every day. It does mean however, that they should have a general idea of what comes first, second and last in your day. Breakfast after walking up, a walk after lunch, bath before bed.

2.)    Make sure everyone gets enough sleep. I don't know about you, but when I am tired-I am not happy. The same goes for kids. Your child needs a certain amount of sleep each day based on their age. If they do not get this sleep, they will not function the way they should. They will be fussy, grumpy and argumentative. Save yourself the trouble and put them to bed at a decent hour and make sure they get enough sleep.

3.)    Play with them already! Kids want your attention, and they will find a way to get it. So, put down your cell phone, turn off the TV and computer (after your read my blog!), and play with your kids. Color a picture, read a book, play hide n' seek or just dance like fools in the living room. Even a 10 minute game of "I Spy" can make a child of any age feel important.  These will not only be some of the best memories that you and your kids have together, but having a playtime with your kids won't leave them screaming for your attention when you really do need to get something done.

4.)    Anticipate their needs. If your child is hungry or will be due for a snack while you will be out, bring a treat with you. Going to a doctor's office with a long wait? Bring something along for them to look at or do, and reward their good behavior.  Make sure they have on clothes and shoes that fit, that they are clean, fed and hydrated. This rule applies not only to going out, but also to just hanging out at home. I feel better when I have had a shower, have on clean clothes and a little makeup than I do just lounging around in my pajamas.

5.)    And when they still have a meltdown, just laugh! We all need a good cry every now and then, and kids are no exception. Give them a hug a kiss and a pat on the head. Remember, this is THEIR tantrum, not yours. They are eventually going to have to stop crying, you can't do it for them. So smile, tell them you are sorry they feel that way and move on. Chances are, when they realize how unaffected you are they will probably be less affected themselves.

No one is responsible for your child's behavior but your child. You cannot ‘make' them behave, but you can facilitate an environment where they feel comfortable and relaxed. So, as a parent it is my job to help my child learn how to behave correctly and respond appropriately to bad feelings. The best way that I can do that is by making sure that they are happy and well cared for.

*Note: Obviously, the title was chosen to attract readers, and special rules apply to kids with disabilities and/or other special needs. *

READ MY BLOG! http://deliberated.blogspot.com/

[ClaireW]

Jan. 21, 2010 at 5:46 PM

GREAT post! I do my best to "prevent" tantrums whenever I can and use most of these tricks!

[Lb128f]

Jan. 22, 2010 at 12:47 AM

Good advice!