Marriages....here is the crapola I have now

[CloudWeaver]

Well I fell in love the old fashioned way both times. However was wiser for the second one. Put my cards on the table about what I expect and etc where it was mutual benefinicial to both of us.

Yet he was the one who strayed. He is the one who lied, He is the one causing me untold pain as well as threatened my life. Then to top it off I am a type 2 diabetic for the last two years. Recently when I have had bad episodes and needing to go to the doctor aka E.R. He shows up totally drunk to take me to the hospital? Um no dont think so. Not safe huh? Yet he can do whatever for anyone else.

They weren't there during the times of hardships, Struggling, making do from pay check to pay check. So we are doing better now. When the youngest son is almost 18 and going to leave the nest, when we can plan to do things together for us? 

 Now he wants me to wave a magic wand and fix all the screw ups he has done not only to me but his life. He always had my trust, love and hope and faith. Yet today he destroyed them. He has systematically done this over a 11 month period. Now I know that I will be eventually be kicked to the curb. Oh well.

I will simply grab my boot straps and keep on going.

So tell me then why? Why did he stray to another woman and fell in love? So far other than my diabetes its my fault and I am all the blame for all of this. Mind you that he has done things to cause me to fear him and be scared to be with him. Thus said what is the answer????

There isnt one whatsoever. I know. I have taken care of him, his dad, my children from previous marriage, house, animals and etc for these last fifteen years. Thus this is my reward? For keeping my promises? For being honest? For being true and faithful to him? Well I dont get that whatsoever. If someone does please let me know.

Have a great day!:)

[Chele18504]

Jan. 26, 2010 at 9:56 PM

Some ppl like to push the blame on someone else instead of being a grown up and admitting they are wrong.  I'm sorry for the way you are feeling, but I do wish strength for you. You can not take all that blame, it's not yours to hug.  I hope this helps.