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I'd title this, but I don't want to label it
- Jan 22, 2010 at 11:14 PM
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- Comments (48) Total Views (1718) Everyone can see this journal post.
Honestly, I really do understand what people are trying to say when they proclaim from the rooftops that their child is "not a label", or is "more than a label", or whatever variation is the new flavor of the week of this phrase. But all that does is reinforce the idea that labels are bad. When I hear all this stuff about 'my kid is not a label', it really sets me off. This has become a major pet peeve of mine, because it does nothing but reinforce an idea people badly need re-educating on, rather than continuing to adopt rah-rah, feel-good, catch-phrase mantras that simply enable the perpetuation of a label-fearing status quo.
Labels are not bad, what's
bad is the automatic reactions too many people have to some of them. And the excuses some then attach.
Labels really are an integral part of daily life, and a simplifying
factor. Not necessarily a DEFINING factor, and those who insist that
is the sole purpose, again, need reeducating on how labels are meant to work. It is a real problem that too many people are willing to let their kids stay
lost or in limbo, struggling just to get through each hour of the day,
for fear of this failing on the part of professionals -- "your kid is this, and you can't expect more." Or because
too many parents and teachers DO take that as an excuse to give up on the kid -- ooh, she's damaged, that's why; he has that diagnosis, so he is just that way -- that many other parents avoid getting a diagnosis for fear of the "label".
If you picked up a bottle of
poison, wouldn't you appreciate knowing that was the contents BEFORE
you drank it? If you want a sandwich a certain way, don't you
appreciate the labels on the packages or containers that let you know
you are making your food (or getting it made) the way you want it? Labels are why you do not accidentally ingest poison
or put the wrong jelly on your toast or peanut butter sandwich (er, not
that I touch toast or jelly, or allow either near my peanut butter.)
Labels are how you know what street to turn down to get to your
destination, or what book you want to read or thousands and thousands
of other of vital,
viable aspects of daily life. Despite the label, many times you can still do
whatever you want, whether is is drinking the poison or putting
strawberry jelly on your sandwich and deciding (urgh) it's rather
tasty, or even discovering a delightful, unexpected place by going down
that wrong street. As a rule, most labels help most people
achieve what they set out to do in an expedient manner more often than not. To go back to the jelly, the jar label simply tells you it is X flavor of jelly...nowhere does it state X flavor of jelly is only intended for use, or will only go, on Y food, and Y food alone. If you get X flavor jelly, you can proceed at will to put it on Z food, or in the toaster or cover the cat in it, if you so choose. Those may not all be things you should do, or will necessarily want to repeat, and your cat may never speak to you ever again, but it's your jelly, and what you get from it is what you make of it.
Now think of life as a trip to Canada. Everyone else around you has a map with the route
to Canada marked out. Sure, some people take detours or
linger, but for the most part, they continue migrating with the herd group on
the epic trip-of-a-lifetime to Canada. If you show up at the starting point with a map to Mexico, you
are not going to get very far on your trip to Canada. Not only that, your journey will be
frustrating, confusing and painful. Even if you try and follow/copy
others, your map is still not even remotely the same, and that helps
insure the trip is unpleasant all around, but
most especially for those of us who have the wrong
different map. No matter what you do,
you simply will not get very far in your journey to Canada with the map
you came with. But most especially when the people on the trip do not realize you have a different map.
Diagnosis alone does not get people with autism to "Canada." It doesn't even automatically get us the right map. But it helps those of us with a different map understand THAT our map is different, WHY our map is different, and that there are ways to read it to help compensate for that. It lets others -- parents, teachers, friends, doctors, sometimes even strangers on the street -- know our map is not the same, and we may need a little additional help along the way in certain areas to ensure we are in the right general direction. It shows why sometimes we just can't get something no matter how many times we are told and told, and that maybe another way might help us either get it, or learn how to do without or whatever fits the situation. When people do not know your map is different from theirs, it's much harder for them to understand why you have so many problems with so many things seen as "simple" or "normal" or "everyday." It should never necessarily be taken at face value as the reason to stay "here" because it's where your map says you are, or where it says you are going. But, on the whole, it's a damn sight better than spending a lifetime struggling cluelessly trying to use a map of Mexico to get to freaking Canada.
Knowledge is not everything when it comes to autism, no, but it is a HUGE part of the battle preparation, it really is.The bottom line is no matter what you do, if you have a map to Mexico, and no one knows it, you simply will not get very far on your journey to Canada. So, don't think of diagnosis as a "label" on your child. Don't let anyone else think of it as a label, or rest on that as reason to write him or her off. Understand -- and make them understand -- that this "label" means only that you now know more about what map your child was born with, and that you -- and everyone who knows -- can better help him reach his destination just for the knowing.
Comments:
This is what I am trying to get hubby to understand... she needs the RIGHT label- then she can move forward.. can I take a copy of this when we meet with her new counselor next week??
Chris, if you think it will help, absolutely. Good luck!
Brillianty put. I will probably use many phrases from this if that's okay. Your analogies are spot on. Even "little-minded" people should be able to get this.
This is wonderful, I enjoyed reading it....thank your for sharing such an insightful view on this subject....it needed to be said :)
No, I will not stop nagging you Marie. Never. ;) I know there is still lots of great stuff stored up there in your head that needs to get out!
And I'm going to post this on Facebook!
I agree 100%. My son's "label" of autism has allowed him to get so many wonderful therapies and services that help him learn amazing new skills every single day.
It pisses me off when other moms scold me for calling my son autistic. He IS autistic. If I act like "autistic" is a dirty word, doesn't that imply that there is something wrong with being autistic in the first place??
I love you =D
Oh crap, I forgot...
****HUG****
:D
So glad you put this here as a journal entry & I clicked to make it popular!
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I totally agree. My daughter has many special needs issuses. She was born very premature to a drug addicted mom then adopted by us. She has many things that make her unique and different from other children. I have to use lables to describe her and her conditions all the time. If not other people wouldn't understand her.
- BlooBird
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