I did not "write the letter to the daughter. this is copied on my blog so you see why I wrote the rant which is below in brackets."
Letter to my daughter:
• You create your own happiness
o Do not let anyone, especially a man, control your level of happiness
• Do not wait to be rescued - only you can rescue yourself o People around you may not have the ability to rescue you.
You are empowering them to believe they can control you and your state
Don't give away this basic power that is only yours
o Know when you are behaving like a victim and projecting that out to the world.
• As a female, it is important that you understand, embrace, and LIVE the word "empowerment."
o Many events that can be viewed with sadness, such as a relationship ending (which truly did not serve you), can be viewed as empowering, if you allow yourself to see it that way.
o Know and respect your power and don't give it away to others
• You can only expect from others the level of respect you give yourself
o Never settle on this - know and stand up for the level that you deserve
• Embracing your intelligence, intellectually and emotionally, is a good thing
o Do not feel ashamed, question, doubt, and disregard what you know in your heart to be true.
Someone wrote this, and in response, I wanted to write a blog about it. It was a posting to a young daughter and I just had such a knee-jerk reaction that I needed to write a blog in response to get my feelings out.
- No one else can/should control you or make you happy.
You can create your own happiness, and that can include others, or a partner, or whatever else.
Happiness and the perception of happiness are overrated.
Live, love, laugh, and enjoy life. Happiness can be very complex and there’s no such thing as truly being happy every moment of every day. Life happens.
If a trusting, loving partner helps make your life better, then so be it.
In my personal opinion there is NOTHING wrong with allowing a partner to influence your emotions.
In fact, your child, your partner, your parents, everyone has some influence on your emotions when you’re emotionally involved, otherwise there’s no emotional connection.
If they can’t influence you emotionally, there are no emotions involved in the situation or the relationship, which to me seems sad, and I would feel pity for someone who isn't emotionally involved with the people they are supposed to care about.
Being detached to me isn't healthy. and it takes a lot of trust to be emotionally involved with someone.
Maybe it would make you emotionally safer from getting hurt, but I don’t even see how that is healthy. I think having intimate emotional connections helps make better, well rounded, healthier adults and children.
- Don’t wait to be rescued.
Well, I think it depends entirely on the situation. Sometimes you can save yourself; sometimes you need the help of others. While I don’t think you should rely on anyone to come to your rescue if you make a mistake or do something stupid, there are situations where it’s okay to rely on others to help you.
I think trying to say that no one can rescue you or control the situation is false. Lots of people have control over others. Parents control their children, the police and judges control things, teacher’s control things, your boss has a lot of control over things, like if you have a job or not.
I think rather than teaching someone that no one else has any control, it would be better to teach that there are people in positions of power and authority over people, and to respect that authority will make them have a lot more success in life if they don’t try to fight it.
This is real life, this is reality. I have a hard time with absolutes due them not really working in everyday life, even if the concept may seem nice.
- Define being a victim.
Is it being submissive in personality and being okay with others taking control and being a follower rather than a gung-ho leader? Why can't we have different personality types and embrace the differences? why do we have to make everyone the same?
Why are we so set on making everyone into leaders, especially when some people who are happiest following and are at their best and most successful doing so?
Why is it bad to follow?
Wouldn’t it be better to teach those who maybe wired to follow how to choose who to follow wisely, rather than pretend that some people aren’t wired that way?
Maybe this to me seems like basic common sense and reality; and common sense really isn’t that common.
- What the hell does the previous stuff have to do with empowerment?
If it was TRULY empowering, they’d throw away everything that society says a woman has to be and just be what makes them happy.
Whether it’s a career woman, or a mom, or a follower, or a leader, or a teacher, or a crazy cat lady. I think that empowerment means that you strive to be happy and fulfilled in life, even if it doesn’t fit in with societies idea of the “normal”.
While I think women needed equal pay, equal rights, etc, we have given up so much for that. to the point that if we just want to moms, wives, we are no longer able to do that with out being looked down on for those choices.
We aren’t allowed to be women anymore. We aren’t allowed to love, to trust, to rely on a partner, or to even be true to our natures or personalities. We have to lead even if we are wired to want to follow and trust a honorable man.
We are taught as women that men are never honorable and if we decide to allow him to lead, that we are weak and setting women back….
And if a man is submissive and follows a woman, he is mocked for having his balls held by a woman.
There really is no way to win.
- My advice?
Fuck society and do what makes you happy.
- Don’t give your power away to someone else.
If it’s my power, can’t I give it away if I feel like it?
What’s the point of even having it if I can’t control what I do with it, or is that the point, that I only have power if I choose not to give it away?
But isn’t REAL power about doing what makes you happy, even if it goes against society’s views?
I would rather do what makes me happy, even if makes me be seen as weak, or a victim.
I would rather live my life joyously, and happy and with so much laughter and love and knowing I am cherished by the one person who matters to me most, than some need to empower myself via what feminists belief.
My life. My choice. My power, my right to give it away. That’s what they fought for. My right to choose what I do with my life.
You can’t please everyone. I don’t care if people respect me, if people can’t at least show me common courtesy for being a human being, than I know exactly where I stand with them and they aren’t worth my time.
By saying you can’t be respected if you don’t respect yourself, that is hypocritical saying that others shouldn’t influence or control your happiness.
Rather than worry if people respect you or not, be happy. Live the life that makes you happy and screw if people don’t “respect” your choices. You live once, make the best of it and have no regrets.
If you love yourself, people not respecting you just plain won’t matter. If you find value and worth in your life, if people don’t like you, or don’t respect you, it just won’t matter.
- If you care how much others respect you that influence your life, and goes against the first idea of the letter. And even if you respect yourself, that won’t make others respect you.
I agree with the last part, which is why I find it funny, because the very last line is the only good piece of advice in this entire letter, following your gut, your heart, and trusting yourself may make the rest of the advice in this letter completely hypocritical.