*My heart.....*

[PaMoms17201]

*I wanted to write a journal..not sure why but felt the need to get some feelings/emotions out. I have always felt that writing is a great way to get your thoughts out into the free air. As some of you may know my beautiful wife and I are trying to adopt. This has been a rollercoaster ride but I am hoping and praying that with God's amazing grace and the indebted strength of a courageous woman, we will be mommies. I think about adoption everyday...a hundred times a day. I think about everything that it entails...what I hope that it will be like..and the things that I need it to be like. At times I take a look at my wife and Im filled with immense joy and such deep deep love. She is my rock. I could not have picked a better life partner, to spend my days with, creating lasting memories. We have started building our nursery. I know to some it may seem silly but to us its a start in accomplishing becoming parents. We are talking with an amazing woman who some will just call a birthmother but to us she is SO much more than that. Im hoping that things work out and that this is the beginning of an amazingly beautiful thing. I am waiting for that missing piece in my heart to be filled with such over-lapping joy. I have dreams of hearing our children lauging in their rooms...splashing in the bathtub..their face light up on christmas..and all the days in between. I see women on the news who hurt their children..it breaks my heart into pieces. Children are the most amazing gift that God can give you. Life is just not complete without them. My wife has kept me so strong during this time in our lives. She keeps me positive when times get tough and I think that I will never hold a baby or babies in my arms. A lot of people don't get the entire sense of a true adoption. I cry at times thinking that I am selfish for wanting another woman's baby (ies)..but I don't feel that way. I feel as if I am going to give children an amazing life with the door open for their first mother to always enter. Im not sure how I could ever repay someone who gave me the most amazing gift..I mean how do you..to me "Thank You" is just not enough. I am hoping that 2010 is our year. I pray everyday to the good Lord that I will be a mommy as well as build a lifelong friendship with an amazing woman who chose us to be her child(ren)'s parents.

*K

I just listened to this song it kind of explains how I am feeling...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQJh-oU0M9Y

[Angllvr]

Jan. 31, 2010 at 10:02 AM

I htink you have just said what a lot of us are thinking to ourselves. Just like the rest of us, God is watching over you and your wife, and will know when the time is right. Lately, I have become a true believer in unanswered prayers, because it is not our time. Keep the faith that you WILL be parents some day....

[hq9858]

Feb. 3, 2010 at 1:34 PM

I'm right there with you. I'm not a good writer and you put so many of the things I"m feeling too into words. I always get upset when I watch Teen Mom and 16 & pregnant seeing those girls that don't understand how lucky they are to have a child in their lives, just at the wrong time. We all just have to help each other to stay strong.

[PaMoms17201]

Feb. 3, 2010 at 5:14 PM

I agree hon...I watch that show every week..and I will say that Catelynn has been my favorite..not because she gave her child up but because she realized that children DESERVE the best..I know we both LONG to hold a child or children in our arms and know that the world is good. We have started our nursery...we just have to to keep us motivated. I hope we both have our beautiful miracles soon. If you ever want to chat Im always here..after all we are only 20 mins apart lol..

(Original Poster)