Being the Mean Step Mom

[Katie1991]

My DH has had custody of his daughter since she was 8 and she's been in my life for over 3 yrs now.  She has no contact with her BM and I have always treated here like she's my own. We have our moments and it hasn't always been easy.  Samantha is 13 now and it wasn't that long ago that I was 13 so I can relate better to her than my DH does. 

But now Sam has her first boyfriend, and even though I dated at 13 I'm not ready for my daughter to begin this stage of her life.  I know how I was at 13 and I want her to be better than I was and avoid those mistakes that I made. 

Both DH and I have allowed this boy to come to our house and watch movies with us and we've even had him over for dinner.  He's a nice and polite boy at least for a 14 yr old and when they are together I keep a close eye on them...remembering how I was at that age.  As for me I really do not want to encourage this relationship but DH on the other hand says it's her starting to grow up.  DH is alot more relaxed than I am with Sam's beginning to date.  I'm sure alot of it has to do with how I grew up and knowing the things I did at that age.  I don't want her being a teen mom like I was and DH says we have to trust her and allow her some freedoms.  Sam's relationship at this point isn't any more than holding hands and kissing but it worries me that it could develop into something more and I'm not ready for this grrrrrrr. 

DH and I talk about this and although we never argue we are on different pages as far as how much freedom we should allow Sam.  I know in the end it's DH's daughter and I'm just the Step Mom but I still worry since I'm the only Mom she has known for the past 3 years.  Oh well I'm just venting here as I have my Sunday morning coffee.  Thanks for anybody that reads this....Katie

[MSugarKane]

Jan. 31, 2010 at 7:22 AM

Your right, she is too young to 'date'.  But what you are doing, inviting him over and letting them do stuff together under your supervision is perfect.

I raised four daughters and they were not allowed to 'date' until they were 16.   Before that they were allowed to go in groups to the movies or bowling with chaporones. 

Good luck!

[sati769leigh]

Jan. 31, 2010 at 12:27 PM

I only have to ask, is your DH NUTS? she is 13. she has much more important stuff like SCHOOL to be paying attention to. 13 is wayyyy too young to be turning her mind to boys and being boy crazy.