Praying....

[randijj]

 So... I haven't noticed any bleeding today. Thank God!! I bled for 3 days, not heavy, not enough to have to use a pad or tampon. And it was dark blood. And no clotting. So I'm hoping it was just blood. I was thinking my symptoms have lightened up, and they have a bit. My boobs don't hurt so much, and no heart burn in days. My Restless legs are at it again today though, and I still have the morning sickness. My boobs are still sensitive and a lil sore, but dont hurt so bad. I don't want to go to the doctor until I'm on Jarred's insurance so they will cover every thing 100%. I would like to go, just to find out if I lost it or not, or if it's just fine, and I'm worring over nothing. After having lost 2 of them... I'm really worried. I really do think it's going to be different this time. but I'm not sure...  Even if I am going to lose it, there is nothing that can be done about it. I'm going to try to ease my mind from it until after the wedding so I"m not so stressed over both things. lol I have a good feeling today, and Feel like every thing is fine. The more I think about it, the better I feel. I did have some cramping, but that could also be my uterus stretching too. I just pray all the time this baby is ok. And I talk to this baby daily! All day! Rubbing my belly. Telling him/her that mommy and daddy both love "them" so much. I'm getting really excited. Jarred bought me a breast pump, and it came Saturday. Jarred was kinda interested in it, looking at it, and such. lol I love how excited he's getting and how involved he's getting. God I love that man so much. Even though I'm Pregnant now, and most the time he drives me nutz... I try really hard not to let him know that. lol I know it's just my hormones, because I'm like that with pretty much everyone around me. Family and friends, and strangers! lol I try to put my happy face on, and just play it off that every thing is cool. He always knows when I'm grouchy though. I don't hide it very well. And I am alot more grouchy then I have been. I was always in such a good mood, and had a smile on my face, now it seems like I'm the devil, and I don't know how to smile, or have a good time any more. Lol I just want to lay around and be lazy, and that's soooo not me. I'm thinking getting pregnant before the wedding was a bad idea. I'm already getting fat, I can't tell myself no to eating stuff. When you have a craving, u eat it. You don't eat healthy food. lol And I've been so tired and lazy I haven't exercised or done any thing! I haven't cleaned or have been taking care of Jarred and Jordan like I should be. I need to snap out of it, and get back on track. I say that, but then when I get home, I'm SO TIRED. I just want to sleep. And be lazy. I feel so bad too. The house is trashed most the time, unless Jarred cleans it. The laundry is all dirty. Jordan has no clean clothes, I have no clean clothes. I HAVE to get home tonight and clean! Get it all done! And then sleep good tonight!