I'm in a tough spot right now

[lotsofchange]

My dog died on Saturday and I am so sad.  She was a beautiful yellow lab mix.  I've had her for 9 years and had adopted her from a humane society.  Her actual age was 10 to 11.  I had her before I was ever a wife or a mother.  I still lived on my own and had her and an older cat (who passed away about the time I met my husband).  I've never lost a dog before.  Sigh....tears are coming. 

Now, I am the mother of a 4 yo boy & a 2 1/2 yo girl.  I just feel sick!  She hadn't been sick or had any other unusual behavior.  I have been crying so much.  So much doesn't make sense to me right now.  Last week was not good.  I got in a tiff with a co-worker about something stupid now she isn't talking to me, I got into it with my husband because we've been evualting our finances and now this. 

I was questioning my job, which is only part time.  It is flexible & does help our family a lot.  My husband isn't happy at his job right now & his hours fluctuate quite a bit too (which is part of the problem in the with our finances).  So that led to questioning my marriage and what I should be doing in life & with my life.  And, now this.  Ugh!  I want to get it together so badly.  Things really suck right now & I don't know if I am just trying too hard or not enough.  Losing my dog has really taken the wind out of my sails.

And no, I really don't have anyone here.  My husband is great and did take care of everything with the dog.  Digging the grave & getting her to it.  Ahhh, I guess I just have to get all of this out.  But, we don't have any friends here.  And very little family.  Are we the only people like this?  We look around and see so many people that look like they've got it together and are having so much fun in life.  They have family & friends to depend on. 

Thanks for allowing me to carry on here.  I do know it will get better......I'm just feeling so down right now from everything going on.

[Mom2Kyle03]

Feb. 1, 2010 at 3:50 PM

So sorry to hear about your dog. Losing a pet is tough.

Don't compare your situation to anyone else. I have learned that there's no way to know what is going on in someone else's life. Everyone has problems and there's always s worse off. Things are tough but they will get better (I've been telling myself that for three years now...lol). We just have to have faith. Hang in there!

[daisyb]

Feb. 1, 2010 at 9:34 PM

 

   Saying Lots of prayers that things will get better for you- I am so sorry about your Beautiful Yellow Lab; i can not imagine my life without my baby, "Thumbelina" They become such a important part of our family- I think maybe things feel alot worse to you right now because you need to give yourself a little time to grieve- Take sometime out for yourself........ You will be in my thoughts-

[TxHsMom]

Feb. 1, 2010 at 9:57 PM

Wow, just reading your story brought a tear to my eye. It always seems like the bad stuff happens all at once. I feel the same as you sometimes. We are a 1 income family. I have RA and can't work, so money is always tight.  My closest friend recently moved across the state. I also look at other families and they "seem" to have it all while we struggle. I keep reminding myself that we (my family) may not have all the things we want, but we have what we need. Most of all we have each other. You are not alone and you do make a difference.

[Lb128f]

Feb. 2, 2010 at 4:31 AM

I'm sorry.

[debG64]

Feb. 2, 2010 at 9:18 AM

so sorry for you losing your fur baby. call me if you need to talk, i'll be home today and most of tomarrow.

love you, Deb

[lotsofchange]

Feb. 2, 2010 at 10:24 AM

Thank you all for your comments and support.  I am a bit more upbeat and ready to face the world today.  I'm not working much this week but, you know- there's always something to be done as a mother & a wife.  Yesterday I was pretty much on get through the day mode, but today I feel better & feel like accomplishing a few things around here.

Something that's bubbled up from somewhere in all of this is that my priorities need to be revisited.  Things have gotten out of balance, bad!  Last week was definitely 1, 2, 3 - punch to my heart & gut.  But now after the tears have stopped flooding from my eyes & my face & my eyes aren't hurting so badly from sobbing, I am seeing some light & possible understanding.  Not that... that big idea makes it any easier to accept that my sweetie is gone & won't get to spend any more time with her but the other stuff with my co-worker & husband seem to make a bit more sense.

So, going forward, I am being gentle with myself & listening to my feelings & emotions right now with the loss of Shadow but also I am taking a step back to take a look at everything- myself, my kids, my marriage, my job.  I deserve it and so does my family.  I guess this is just as good an opportunity as any to make any necessary changes.

I had to go outside yesterday, that was tough.  Not to mention that I can see her grave from many points in the house.  It is still very raw & in time, sigh- in time.......I look forward to honoring her memory with a stepping stone or little statue.

I don't remember it being this tough a few years when my old cat died.  I'd had him since I was a little girl and he was almost 18 years old.  But I've had a lot of loss & changes since then- 3 grandparents have passed on, we moved, I quit working full time to be a stay at home to mom, not to mention so drama & chaos with my parents & extended family, to only name a few. 

I think losing my dog was just another thing in moving forward in LIFE.  Life, the unexpected- things change- you never know- LIFE.

Well, anyway- again, I thank all of you for sharing & caring.  I appreciate your kind words and gentleness.

(Original Poster)

[Autumn78]

Feb. 2, 2010 at 12:19 PM

Hi dear! I know it's been awhile, but know that my thoughts are with you at this tough time. I know life is overwhelming at times, and even more so when there's not a friend or family member to fall back on. But just try to take on one challenge at a time, and wake up each day with a positive attitude that today is a new day. I will send you a message with my new phone number so we can try to keep in touch, I will listen whenever you need someone to sound off to :) Talk to you soon!