Depression

[armywife0507]

Depression ruined my marrage and now I'm even more depressed. I've been depressed for a long time. All I ever wanted was my husband to put his armes around me and tell me everything would be allright and that we would get through this together. I've been tring to get that for three years and all it did was start fights. I never wanted to fight with him it just always seemed that no matter what I said it always lead to a fight. He used to be so loving and caring and protective, now it seems like all he wants to do is get away from me. I started feeling better and I was happy again for the first time in a long time then he decided he didn't want to try anymore. He uses our son as an excuse to split but I think thats the biggest reason to stay together. I don't want him to grow up with a part time dad. I need him now more than ever and he doesn't even care. Sometimes I wonder if he isn't depressed himself or maybe even have PTSD, but he always says that I'm just tring to blame things on him. I don't blame anything on him except not even tring to talk any one.

[NannyB.]

Feb. 1, 2010 at 1:34 PM

I have been through depression and I have seen the effects it can have on a marriage.  My first question to you is "About what or with whom are you angry?"  Depression is most often anger turned inward.  Instead of expressing it outwardly, it is suppressed, causing us to feel helpless and alone.  The other thing I would tell you is that putting too much pressure on our husband's to make us feel better causes them to move farther away from us.  Nobody should be made to feel like he is responsible for the happiness of another.  Another thing I learned is it is not so much that we fight, it is how we fight that causes the problem.  Disagreements are actually a very good thing unless they become opportunities to blame and accuse the spouse.  I think if you will do some real soul searching and really look for anger in your life, you will probably also find the root of your depression.  I will give you a hint:  Mine turned out to be some sexual molestation that went back to my very earliest childhood.  I had never told anyone and I felt a tremendous amount of guilt for something that really was not my fault.  It could have been that you were abused or abandoned by someone close to you.  Maybe even someone whom you loved dearly died before you were ready to give them up.  Look for incidents like that.