I don't like feeling like this

[mamacass260]

I'm at war. The screaming, the yelling, the name calling, the defiance. This is my everyday. This is my six year old.

She wakes up kicking and screaming and telling me how bad of a mom I am and how she doesn't have to listen to me, and she doesn't love me. I fight and I fight and I get her to school.

At school the teachers tell me she is a quiet student and does everything she is told. She is a delight to have in class but she struggles. Her work is behind but it's OK, as long as I work with her at home.

I drive in tears 25 minutes to  what I call peace, and by peace I mean my job, where I am surrounded by good friends who joke with me and make me smile.

I enjoy my quiet time in the car on the way home, sometimes I call my boyfriend or some friends, sometimes I just sing to my radio. THen she gets in the car. The babysitter says how good she was and she was no trouble at all.

In the car is where it starts, the screaming, the yelling, the demands, the Chaos. At home is a battle field and after about an hour of all out battle, this general surrenders defeat. Most nights, I am in tears from utter frustration. Other Generals are strong and hold their own. This one, this one breaks. Most general lead their troops into battle, this General has no troops.

And at the end of the night, Chaos shows defeat and asks for the General to stay and share a story or two. And the general abides because peace does not come easy for the general. Then chaos says her prayers and says sweet dreams and the general has peace. Until the next morning .....

[MokaMommy]

Feb. 2, 2010 at 11:39 PM

I am so sorry. Do you know why it is like this everyday?

[mamacass260]

Feb. 3, 2010 at 1:24 AM

No that make it worse.

(Original Poster)

[Kellyjude1]

Feb. 3, 2010 at 8:30 AM

 I am so sorry you are going through this.  Does she just not want to go to school? or is she just doing this all for no reason.  Just wondering if it may be something upsetting her at school.  I would try and sit down and talk to her about how she hurts your feelings, assure her to express her feelings if she is having any problems.  You have to take control even if it is using time out or taking something away that she likes to play with after school.  Try to focus on the good little things she does giving positive praise instead of negative.  If she does something good then plan a day together going to the playground.  Hopefully in time she will want to please you, instead of getting your attention with the negative responses she will want the positive.  Hope things get better!!

[Saya]

Feb. 3, 2010 at 2:02 PM

Get this book:  1-2-3 Magic.   It teaches you how to gain control of the child while remaining calm and unemotional.  It has really worked for my family.   I slack off sometimes when things get better and we go through these cycles, but I eventually remember to get back to it and it works like a charm. 

She's good for the teacher because the teacher won't take crap from her.  She knows how far to push you, she's playing you like a fiddle. 

You have to take control of the situation b/c you are the adult.  But that's easy to say, not so easy to do at first.  And believe me, she will test you and test you and test you.  But if you remain consistant ( and don't forget like do)  You won't be crying on your way to work anymore.  

[proudmama08]

Feb. 3, 2010 at 9:33 PM

  you know what i am glad i found this journal because  that is exatcally like my youngest brandon he wakes up in the morning bitchty as hell and he also has an attitude too lol

[MunchiesMom324]

Feb. 3, 2010 at 9:52 PM

I'm with you... we (me, school, mulitude of doctors) are trying to figure out what's going on with my DS1, who is 6 1/2.  At age 4, diagnosed with severe ADHD, which has progressed to the throwing of chairs at age 5, then physically assulting people at age 6 (punching/biting/kicking/head butting teachers, me, assistant principal)... add this to the fact that he isnt learning (this is our 2nd time through K5 and will probably be doing it again next school year)... The schools say he's moderately autistic, the behavioral development peds say mood disorders including ODD (tons of fun) possibly bipolar. 

If you need to vent, swap stories, or a shoulder, PM me.  I know what you're going through.  Sometimes after a day of "I hate you, I'm not doing anything you say" and screaming your throat raw, when they come to you asking for stories or for you to tuck them in... you feel disgusted, then you feel guilty for not liking your own child. You want to say to them "Why should I do this for you?  You hate me, remember?" but if you do that, then the battle starts again. 

Maybe its just me, but if you're going through the same thing, just know you're not alone.

[bjklhh]

Feb. 4, 2010 at 3:39 AM

It sounds like you are having trouble setting boundaries with your child.  Might I suggest "Boundaries" by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend.

I used to have the same struggles with my five year old.  I had a very traumatic childhood, so I was afraid to do anything that would upset my daughter.  I didn't want to make her sad; I didn't want to hurt her feelings.  My mother in law suggested the book, and it changed my life.  I no longer have the struggles with Makayla.  I used to.  Everyone would tell me how wonderful she was but with me, she was awful. 

And honey, tough love can sometimes be the best thing.  I KNOW that after a long day of fighting with your kid, a bedtime story seems like the best thing to ease their pain.  But you are rewarding bad behavior in that.  I can't explain it all to you in one post.  Get the book and you will see.  Good luck.

[mamacass260]

Feb. 4, 2010 at 10:09 PM

I can't believe how much better I feel after reading everyone's posts. I now know I am not the only one. Her dad and I don't live together yet, we are working on it and that is also hard for me because he is the only one who supports me and he's not there all the time. My mom and my daughter are very close and sometimes it feels like they are on the same team. My daughter hears that my mom says I;m doing everything wrong and I know that has an influence on her feelings towards me. I do what I can and just get by day by day, but feeling worthless everyday is starting to get to me. Thanks again ladies, I don't know what I would do without my cafemom!

(Original Poster)