Good for the Gander...

[showmeborn]

Well, another night another guilt trip from the ole' hubby. He does this routinely. He will come up, demand my attention and when I won't give it to him right then he says something nasty and then leaves.

To night, it was the computer. I had had a really bad day. For one I have fibromyalgia and was in pain most of the day. I have just come off the period from hell, so my feet have been swollen. My youngest son has put his brat self into hyper mode and is constantly throwing fits. My eldest has put her teen rebellion into hyper mode and is constantly throwing fits, and tonight's was worse than others. I had to call him home to help deal with her. He got home at about 7:00, we dealt with our daughter, ate supper, then spent time on the couch watching television. When the boys went to bed, I decided to try and relax on the computer. I really needed some time to myself.

He comes up behind me and is watching me play a game. Instantly I begin to screw up, I really am uncomfortable when people watch me play games, especially my hubby. I tell him this, nicely , and he says, "Guess I will go to bed, it's not like I wanted to spend some time with you or anything."

I know, it sounds selfish on my part, and normally I would agree but the computer is not the only source of contention about spending time together. He gets angry if we are sitting together and I get up to cook dinner or take care of the kids. It's almost as if he wants me all to himself all the time. He wants my attention when I am teaching the kids (I home school). 

He likes to call when he is at work, "Just to talk because I am bored." and is angry if I don't just drop everything and talk to him. It doesn't matter what I am doing, he wants me to drop everything and talk to him while he is on his hour lunch break. 

Again, I know I sound pretty selfish,  but there is his part in this. If he wants to spend time with the kids and I suggest we talk he gives me dirty looks like "How dare you even interrupt me when I am with my kids." When I am sitting by him, he thinks nothing of getting up and getting on the computer, and spending sometimes 6 hours. If I call him at work, he cuts me off when he is busy or just doesn't answer the phone. 

So, what this boils down to is, when I want to be with the kids or have responsibilities with them, I am supposed to drop everything and pay attention to him. When he wants to be with the kids I am supposed to sit and not bother him. When I want to be on the computer whether it be for fun or for making work sheets for school, I am supposed to let him sit there and tell me how to do everything like I am an idiot or gripe because I am, heaven forbid, printing worksheets. When he gets on the computer for fun, I am supposed to just ignore it. When I am busy doing my job of wife and mother I am supposed to drop everything and spend an hour on the phone with him.. When he is at his job I am supposed to just let him cut me off or not answer at his whim.

Now, I am not saying that I want him to give up his time with the kids. I know he works and his time with the kids is limited and he needs to spend what time he can with them, I just want the same respect when I am with the kids. I am not saying that I want him to stay off the computer. I know he works and would like to relax, I just want him to know that I want to relax too and it is easier to do so when he is at home. I know he works and can't spend all day on the phone with me, I just want him to know that just because I am a wife and mother doesn't mean that I am not just as busy as he is and can't just spend hours on the phone with him.

So, what I am trying to say is that what is good for the gander is good for the goose. I just wish my gander would see things that way.

[Brenda0616]

Feb. 27, 2010 at 9:44 PM

I have been married twice.  I have recently started dating this guy.  I love him and he loves me...  He treats me good, like I have not been treated before..  However, I know where you are coming from about them needing constant attention, and pouting if they don't get it....  Now, he drives all day with his job, so he can kinda easily talk whenever..  I can't talk and clean the house or do school work. So, he will get upset if I can't talk or I don't text asap..  I really don't understand these guys...