Having The "Talk" With Teenagers

[Alesha74]

today was good all in all. My daughter nicky had a boy come visit for a second time this week. He seems the perfect gentleman. He offers his help with out being asked. When we had dinner tonite i invited him to stay. Usually our family dinners consist of how was school, work etc.  But tonite everyone was talking and getting to know Mitch better and it was alot of fun. I had recently written a reply to a post someone made about when would i want to find out that my child is sexually active, the reason i mention this is that Nicky and Mitch were trying to study together and so i sent them into her room but they had to keep the door open and they had to allow my youngest to be in the room wether she read or what. That way i knew that nothing hinky was going on. Everytime i passed the door and believe me i made up excuses just to check on them. He sat next to her on the bed and he kept about 6 inches from her side. Like i had said in my reply to the post i had a "girls only chat" and told them how i felt about it. I still think that it is thier choice in the end as to wether or not they have sex. And I found out tonite that the talks that i had with my girls while we were in a girl's only group setting made it easier for them to come to me when they feel the need to about sex, One of them already has a few times. As for Nicky and Mitch, he's a good guy he is only a year older than her and we will see what happens, they are still in the getting to know you phase and they are taking things slow which i like. I just urge parents to talk to thier teens, even pre teens (my youngest is 13 and she has several friends that are or were pregnant at the age of 12-14) about the dangers of sex and the consequences that can follow. I am considering to talk to one of the school counselors and see if we can set up like a "shock" assembly one for girls and a seperate one for boys or even together is ok. But, bring in the teens parents, the teenagers that have contracted aids from someone, etc. and have them talk about what consequences they have gotten from it. I think that teens today need to know more about what can happen, they need that in the back of thier minds everytime they leave the house, As parents the only thing we can do is tell them what we would like for them to do wether it's waiting, abstaining, etc. We need to be teaching them how to be responsible. then we need to give them one thing Trust.

[Lb128f]

Feb. 5, 2010 at 9:43 AM

It's true...communicating is key! I'm glad you are able to talk with your children about sex/life...it makes a huge difference. Good Luck!

[squeegeatc]

Feb. 5, 2010 at 2:47 PM

I'm pregnant now.  My 7 year old is asking questions.  My 4 year old hangs on EVERY conversation.  So she too is getting some of the facts.  I'm not going into graphic detail yet, but it has to start somewhere!!

[parrishsky]

Feb. 5, 2010 at 4:41 PM

I completely agree and think parents should be open enough with them that the trust us and want to come to us when they are confused, feeling pressured or even when they become active. Having a good relationship with our kids will ensure they make better decisions and they will likely keep us informed when they are having difficult choices to make.

[Allergic2Stupid]

Feb. 5, 2010 at 5:55 PM

My husband's 13 year old nephew became a father in early December.  It disgusts me that his parents (who are not together..his mother has had primary custody of him since he was a small child) knew he was sexually active and instead of having a serious talk with him, his mother ignored it and his father patted him on the back and said "Way to go son".  When I told them they would be grandparents before he was 16 they laughed at me.  

Good for you for being responsible and making sure your kids are well informed.  GL!

[mwebb]

Feb. 5, 2010 at 8:32 PM

I more parents had your attitude, there would be alot less teenage pregnancies and STDs.

My girls are still very young, but I plan to be open and honest with them just like you are with your girls.

It's really great to see a mom that understands communication is everything!

[PestPatti]

Feb. 6, 2010 at 11:00 AM

Always keep the lines of communication open..   My sons will often tell me things 'that I dont want to know"  but I am glad they feel they can tell me...

 My oldest son and I will chuckle about him calling me and telling me he had sex with his long time girlfriend, who is now his fiance.    I'm looking for recipes and he says Im not dying a virgin mom... 

[Alesha74]

Feb. 6, 2010 at 10:43 PM

i am so glad there are other parents out there that understand my point of view, I was 16 when I had my oldest child, she is now 19. I didn't have the kind of parents that i could go to, i had to tell my mother in a public place that i was pregnant. I tried to have the "talk" with my mother before my freshman year began in high school, I told her that i wanted birth control so that IF i decided to have sex then i was being responsible. At the time We had just recently moved back to Missouri from Alaska. I had no friends to help me and my family wasn't the kind to discuss such matters openly. that is why i have the talks with my girls whenever i see there is an opening, like when they are seeing a boy. i just remind them that i am here for them and that i will help them be responsible young ladies. My oldest once asked me when we were talking about it, I had made the comment that i had made a mistake and i didn't want her to do the same things that i did. She asked "mom if what you did was a mistake does that make me a mistake as well?" I simply told her that she was the result of my mistake and that i love her no matter what and i am thankful that the lord saw fit to send her to me. How we counsel and teach our children in the best way that we can, Communication is the key to every parent/child relationship.

(Original Poster)