The Price of Peace

[marcie1455]

I have finally learned throughout the years that "My Peace" is a direct result of my relationship with God.  I have encountered a lot of different situations and tests in many stages of my life.  I once was a "People Pleaser" who finally learned the message...that in trying to please others no one is actually ever pleased. I could never give up enough of myself to live up to another persons expectations.  My 100% to some people was merely 10% in their eyes and they wanted me to sacrifice everything without any deposits, returns or a simple thank-you.  I learned that if I were to please myself and to focus on solely pleasing God that at least I had one person pleased...MYSELF and that perhaps everything else would fall into place!  The second stage of my life was the "Operation Enduring all Things."  Looking back over my life I remember going through a stage of "passive resistance."  I felt I was walking on extreme eggshells.  There were times when I was so severely tested in my life that I just wanted to scream or break something, but I managed to keep it inside!  I encountered various situations when it came to raising my children and stepchildren, especially when my husband was deployed overseas.  I had to be the mediator, the "other mom," the psychologist, the police, the disciplinarian, the person who picked up all the pieces, the glue to keep the pieces together and most of all the person who bit her lip when dealing with a disagreeable biological mom taking her anger out on me.  I learned that I couldn't just keep watching the clock and relying on the fact that "someday" this situation will change. The stepchildren would grow up and I will have a chance to live my life and rule the rest of my family as I truly would like too.  My life was ticking away and I was building up resentment the more I looked the other way.  I would always say everything was always o.k. when it wasn't and I always thought that "this too shall pass."    I lost myself totally at point, but I am pleased to announce that I  found myself when I found my voice to say, "No."  Sometimes people don't like it when you change.  They rely on you being the same person so they can feel better at your expense.  Change is freeing.  If someone truly loves you they will understand when you break lose from the shackles of unhappiness. In changing,  I lost a few friends or shall I say "associates" in the process as well.  I asked God Bless them and I wished them the very best as I kept moving forward on the quest to become a better me.  The real friends are still with me and we reinvest in one another and continue to build each other up.  Every now and then it's good to get rid of unnecessary clutter or items that just take up space and time in your life.  I refuse to walk on egg shells in my own home, give up total control of myself, or to be taken for granted by anyone.  I can respect everyone's individuality.  I will agree to disagree with you in order to remain friends, but I am who I am and I demand to have a healthy respect for my opinion and thoughts mutually.  I am a unique individual, different from all others and I am proud of the difference!  I was watching Oprah the other day (I can't remember who she was interviewing), but she said something to reinenforce my ideas.  She said, " when you tell someone no, and they continue to keep trying to change your mind...the next question to ask the person is simply, Why are you trying to control me?"  No simply means no. 

Marcie