LorelNicolette's Journal

Confessions, reflections and rants

During each pregnancy it has been blatantly obvious to me that the majority of people think pregnancy is a free pass to make random comments about a womans' size or appearance.  There are a select few who make the comments respectively, but the vast majority I have come in contact with have had very little tact. 

I take two elevators to get to my cubicle, and take those same two elevators when I leave to go home.  If I decide to go to lunch then that adds two additional elevator trips.  Needless to say, I get a lot of ignorant comments from people I do and don't know.

Some examples....

  • You are huge!
  • Your hips look bigger today.
  • You look like you are about to pop!
  • You look like you are due any day now.
  • You are only six months along?  Geez!
  • Oh my gawd, are you having twins?
  • You look like you are over being pregnant.

The problem with most of these comments is timing.  I received the "huge" and "about to pop" comments when I was only in my second trimester.  After I would answer with how much time I had left the "twins" question would follow.  I even had one co-worker take a look at me and comment on how it "looked" like I didn't want to be at work anymore.  I am pretty sure he deduced this based on my size which I found very rude; especially since I have been more than enthusiastic to be at work. The positive outlook I have had during this pregnancy has helped me to dismiss most of these comments, but I admit I have my days. 

I was just talking to my husband, and he suggested that I stop working after this week.  I have to admit it is pretty darn tempting.  Not because I can't handle the physical aspect of work, but because it starting to become increasingly mentally draining.  I am to the point in this pregnancy where people greet me with "you're still pregnant", or "you must be getting restless".  The truth is that I am perfectly content with being pregnant.  I am not sure why people are assuming otherwise!

Most tell me I should shrug off these comments, but I am only human.  After the millionth time of hearing different variations, the comments start to wear on you.  If this baby doesn't come by my "guess date" then I will definitely consider taking some "me" time to ensure that I remain positive.  The last thing I want is to start getting discouraged by people who don't realize how rude their comments are.

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Comments:

Lorel...
Feb. 7, 2010 at 10:43 PM

Awe...thank you, Kim :-)

Like I said, I have gotten a few really nice comments.  The man that cut my salmon today wished me an easy labor.  I actually had to do a double take since I wasn't expecting it.  Then the other day at work one of our vendors told me I am exuding a lot of positive energy for the stage of pregnancy I am in.  I really appreciated how he actually made the effort to look beyond the obvious.  Sadly though, these instances have been rare.

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Kelle...
Feb. 8, 2010 at 12:16 AM

I wonder how they'd take it from you in reverse? "My Phil, looks like you had one too many burritos at lunch today, huh?" or "Had a rough night? You look like hell". They'd be offended, and rightfully so. I don't understand why people think it's okay to say things like that just because a woman is pregnant. I got a lot of rude comments during my pregnancies too. And although most people don't mean any harm, I totally understand getting tired of it.

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Mama0...
Feb. 8, 2010 at 7:42 AM

Somehow I think that's it's merely being female that makes people believe they have license to make unsolicited comments. On my first outing with all three of my children when my youngest was only a few days old, we ran into a woman in the children's department who made the comment "You're DONE having kids right? You got yourself fixed?" Well, not that it's any of your concern but yes I did for my own personal reasons which have nothing to do with you, nosy lady. I've also had a very presumptive woman ask me "You just have the three children?" about a year before I'd even gotten pregnant with my youngest daughter. No, I'm just short and chubby, thank you so much for reminding me of that fact. Sadly, some people will have an asinine comment to make no matter what you're doing. It's easy to say that when I'm decidedly NOT pregnant and not working in public. I like Kelley's idea, actually. :)  

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KTMOM
Feb. 8, 2010 at 8:17 AM

Yeah i am not sure what makes people think it is OK to make certain comments to pregnant women.  Most of the comments I make are,  "you look so cute with your baby belly",  or "when are you due?" or "are you going to find out the gender?"  I would not say someone was huge or looked miserable or anything like that. 

Maybe when someone says "You look like you are about to pop" and they just happen to be fat,  say "hey! you do too!  What a coincidence!"  LOL  OK,  maybe that is not the best advice,  but it made me laugh.   lol

 

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phils...
Feb. 8, 2010 at 10:00 AM

Please read my journal entitled "Baby Fat".  If my sis makes a beeping noise like a truck backing up one more time I swear Im going to lose it!

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ethan...
Feb. 8, 2010 at 2:17 PM

LOL I am lucky that I don't leave the house to often so I get to miss all of the fun comments like these that I used to get when I worked. My favorite?

'You look like your smuggling a basketball underneath your shirt'

Why thank you. That really made my day. I think that most people open their mouths because they want to say something and instead of saying something positive, uplifiting or supportative like-

'Wow, pregnancy is really making you glow' or 'Your baby will sure be lucky to have such a beautiful mother'

they open their mouth with the first thing that pops into their tiny, insensitive minds, your belly. It's really understandable that you are getting annoyed...you've had to hear the same insensitive comments FOR MONTHS! Take heart in knowing that they are just thoughtless and not intentionally rude.

By the way, I think you look pretty darn hawt!

 

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evwsq...
Feb. 8, 2010 at 3:04 PM

Lorel, for me, it was the opposite. Even though I gained 40 pounds, apparently it didn't look like it! One person asked my husband if the doctors had talked to me about Eleanor being a low-birthweight baby. She was 8 lbs 3 oz! Some people would say that I disgusted them because if you looked at me from behind I didn't look like I was pregnant. OK. Everyone loves hearing the word "disgust" in a sentence about them. I had one co-worker who made a huge deal about how beautiful I looked, and would always say that I looked just like the Madonna (the Mother Mary Madonna, not the other one!). It actually was overwhelming, because it was like I couldn't feel or look like crap because I'd be letting her down, she had so much invested in this idea of me. She was SO over the top in her praise of me, on an almost daily basis, it was uncomfortable.

You DO look beautiful, and I'm happy that you enjoy being pregnant. That's a wonderful thing!

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FoxyLove
Feb. 8, 2010 at 6:34 PM

I have been there. In my second trimester, I went to the local gas station and the clerk said, "When are you due?" I was soo confused. Did I really look THAT pregnant? Most of the time, since I am a stay at home mom with college, I stay to myself.

The best way to combat those unnatural feelings is to keep to yourself. Pretty soon they get the message that you just don't want to engage in a conversation.

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AmyCo...
Feb. 16, 2010 at 5:16 PM

My favorite from a co-worker was, "That's going to be a BIG BABY" at 30 weeks. She was born at 36 weeks 6 days only weighing 6 lbs 6oz, so I guess she was just "politely" pointing out that I looked fat?  Not sure, but it irritated me to no end! 

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