How it feels when a VBAC looks like it's gonna fail...

[Squirrell34]

I think I know...

I've been struggling for almost a week with belly bowl me over contractions that hurt like hell and don't stop.  I spent 10 hours in Labor & Delivery being monitored this weekend 'cause they were so close, and so painful, and at 38 wk 4 days this could really be "it".

I keep hearing from the peanut gallery that they are "false" because I'm not progressing past a "2". Yet they've gotten me fully effaced, then no more progress in dilation.  Guess what...  With my first son...I never progressed past a "2" either.  36 hours of pitocin induced hell after my water broke I was still a 2 (less effaced, but still a 2).  I got a c-section, was scared out of my mind, and swore I'd try to deliver naturally this time.

I've heard that I should just break my water and get induced.  It worked for you!   Guess what.  If that happens, I could hemmorage.  And at a "2", my Bishop score is so low it's 40% likely it WILL work.  60% chance I'll still end up with a 2nd c-section.

Just add cervadil!  I would.  But the American College of Obstetricians does not recommend it for prior C-section labors.

I wanted so badly to be a VBAC.  I wanted so badly to be like all you other moms and experience that pushing, and that transition, and that "You're at 7,8,9,10 -- you're ready". 

And I feel like less of a Mom because I can't.  Because I can't use your choices without risks to me.  And I'm left with either my body getting it's $hit together, or going under the knife.  And I have a past history of my body not figuring out what its supposed to do...

Does it make me a bad mom?  Not really.
But does it make me feel like dirt, and less of a woman.  Hell yeah.
Just sayin'.

[GaMomx3]

Feb. 9, 2010 at 12:31 AM

My friend had a VBAC. She got to 2cm and stopped they did the cervadil and she dilated on. Good luck.

[manders018]

Feb. 9, 2010 at 5:58 AM

Squirrell I am sorry that you are feeling so down about this. I wish there was a way I could help for you to make this easier. Obviously I don't know what you are going through but I do understand not wanting to have the trauma of an "icky" birth with a second child. You are braver than I am even going for the second baby. Oh and I have to say you aren't just a good mom you are a SUPER mom!

[JennyDillyAnna]

Feb. 9, 2010 at 7:12 AM

You are a great mom.  All of my mommy friends didn't attempt a VBAC even though they were good candidates, you are choosing the hard road so you can hold your big guy sooner.  I hemmoraged after the delivery of my second and seriously suggest staying hell away from that could bring that outcome, it was worse than a Csection.  I couldn't stand and carry the baby for 3 weeks.  It doesn't make you less of a woman to ask/demand a Csection now.  Do what you've got to do.  Sleep dep you are exp would be better for you if the delivery came sooner than later. 

[butterflymeme]

Feb. 9, 2010 at 11:55 AM

Squirrell YOU ARE A SUPER MOM! with a beautiful and wonderful son, either way Catie gets here you will be just as SUPER! We are behind you 100% of the way. Take care.

[squeegeatc]

Feb. 9, 2010 at 4:07 PM

Are you crazy??????  Not a good mom?  Not a real woman??  Where are these thoughts coming from??  None of that is true.  You are doing what you think is best for the entire family.  And if that means a section, so be it.  It's not like you're 38 weeks, and "just miserable" so are scheduling jsut because you're a spoiled, whiny brat.  And believe me, i've seen a LOT of those.  You've agonoized over this.  You've weighed the pros and cons. 

Besides, pushing isn't all it's cracked up to be!!  And I do it sans drugs.  Feels like your bunghole is going to shoot across the darn room!!!!!  And the tears my toddlersized infants can cause make sex very difficult for months and months. 

None of us are better or worse because of our birthing methods.  We are still MOM.

[steamtrain1003]

Feb. 11, 2010 at 8:29 PM

I agree with squeek!  All except for the bunghole part!  Ewwwww!!!

The only thing that would make you less of a woman... would be to not make the right decision for you and your whole family!  And I know that won't happen!!!!  If there is one thing you do and do well is analzye information and make good decisions!