Premenopause Sucks!!!!

[lisaann1213]

I'm 44 and pretty much have no sex drive anymore.  My vagina and my clitoris burn like hell because I guess I'm not getting enough estrogen, I'm dry, and whatever lubrication I can get is thick like paste.  I can't have an orgasam except in the shower anymore because self stimulation and toys just make the burning worse.  The worst part is I'm in a relationship with a man, who even though he's 8 years older, still has a very healthy sex drive and expects that I at least try to meet "his needs."  But with no sex drive how can I???  My periods haven't stopped so I can't take HRT yet and my OB will not put me on the pill because I have not completely quit smoking yet.  We're supposed to be moving in together and eventually getting married in May or June, but at this point I don't want to unless we can sleep in seprate bedrooms.  Me being in the same room with him arouses him and I know the first time he tries to have sex with me and he gets off while I'm just laying there dead and cold I will cry and scream (To me it would feel like a rape.).  Everybody I've talked to says if he truly loves me then he would never ask for sex again out of consideration for my feelings, but I know this is not how a man's mind and sex drive works.  If I don't try, fake orgasams just for his benefit, or give in when I know I get nothing out of it, he will get frustrated, as most men do and eventually go get it elsewhere.  And me???  There's no getting it elsewhere, my sex drive is gone it's not coming back.  I could go out & try to sleep with every hot guy from here to China and the result would be the same.  I'd like to try to be Zen about all this but it seems so unfair, like a set.  It's almost as if God designed women to give men a biological out to cheat, otherwise they would go through the change at the exact same time as we do.  Plus it seems unfair that doctors created Viagra for them but have done NO RESEARCH towards developing the same thing for us. 

 

I feel unattractive as a woman now & feel anxiety prone and depressed.  There are no sex therapists in my area and I desprately need one because from everything I've read sex therapists say, A TRUE MAN NEEDS TO LEARN TO SHIFT HIS FOCUS AWAY FROM SEX AND TOWARDS NON SEXUAL FORMS OF INTAMACY.  THIS ACTUALLY REQUIRES THAT A MAN TAKE AN INTEREST IN WHAT HIS WIFE/SO IS INTERESTED IN AND ENCOURAGE THOSE INTERESTS.   Unfortunately for me, my man is mechanical (He likes tinkering with things, building things, exc.).  I am creative, all my pursuits build around things like writing, books, movies, music, and such.  i try to show at least a peripheral interest in what he does, but up til now, he has shown no interest in what I like which makes the prospect of keeping the relationship together minus the sex IMPOSSIBLE.  I feel as if I had a sex therapist available they would call him on the carpet and tell him these things in a way that he has listen to.  If I tell him, he'll just blow it off.

 

I wonder how many others are out there who are going through the same thing???  I also wonder how many out there did cut their husband's/SO's off from sex and ultimately ended up regretting it because he cheated.  Women don't really have the option of leaving unless they are 100 percent okay with being alone, what man is going to want a woman or find a woman attractive who he will NEVER have sex with or who just lays there???  I mean I'm sure there are guys out there for one reason or another can't have sex, but those are few and far between.  The majority of men put sex as a high priority on the list of things that they want or eventually want out of a relationship and since a girl like me no longer finds sex appealing what on earth would be the appeal???  I'm so baffled.