I think I must have sat down and wrote this letter atleast a hundred times in my head, but for some reason, I've never had the wits to put it in writing. I never had the chance to say goodbye and with your birthday coming up Sunday, I feel like I need some kind of closure...more for me and our sister than anything. Everyone in our whole family knows how close us three were as well as mom and there are some things that I have to say. I remember all the good times that we had together and I remember that no matter where you were or what you were doing, you were always there when me and Darlene needed you. I think a part of me wants to believe that you're still alive.
I will never understand why God seen it fit to take you at the age of 31 but I trust that God wanted better for you than all the pain that you were going through. The whole family misses you...I miss you, so much. I remember when I found out that you were taking chemo and thinking, "Maybe he won't be like the rest of the family. Maybe, just maybe, he will be the one to beat it". I can't imagine what it must of felt like to have that kind of burden on your shoulders. I can't imagine what it must of felt like to feel as alone as you did.
I've cried so much since you have died, wondering what the hell I was thinking all those times I seen you and decided to drive on past instead of stopping and I wonder if something I could of said or done would of changed the circumstances of the situation. I can't help but think that I could of made some kind of difference with some words. So many things that we talked about and so many different things that we have been through...so many good times. I hope that wherever you are, you are watching and you know how much your family misses you and loves you. I hope that you know that we did everything we could to make sure we were there whenever you needed us .
I hope God knows how much we miss you and I hope that you know it too. I know that you are there with nana and pawpaw and that you are having the time of your life, with no pain or sorrow and no regrets. Please keep me in your thoughts...as you are always in mine. I love you my brother....may you rest in peace...Finally.
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