What is Discipline and Who has the right to Do It?

[FuzNet]

The recent post about Stepparents and discipline got me thinking.  What is and isn't acceptable discipline and who does and doesn't have the right to discipline a child?

While I will always object to physical punishment (i.e. sucking soap, spanking) it appears to me that much of outrage against this stepmom is because she dared to punish her stepson for his bad behavior (lying).  Many feel it isn't a stepmother place to discipline a stepchild.  To which I say BULL!

Children do not have the mental development or experience to make the good decisions all the time (i.e. a stepson who cuts his own hair).  They are going to mess up from time to time. Nor do they have the wherewithal to correct a sinking situation (ie lying).  If a child acts up in absence of a parent should that behavior go uncorrected?

Assuming that punishment is most effective at the time the offense occurs, I think it is a stepparent's moral obligation to correct bad behavior.  The end goal here is to raise good, productive, and responsible person.  If you are a divorced parent odds are that at least some of the time you are going to have to trust that your ex-spouse's new mate is going to help you with that goal.  

I say instead of fighting this necessary and healthy relationship that develops between stepparents and stepchildren, parents should take advantage of it.  If you can somehow manage to all get along (I know easier said than done), get everybody together and try to establish some ground rules as to what is and isn't appropriate behavior and what consequences are acceptable for bad behavior.  

Going back to the post that inspired this journal entry, If I was the biological mom (after I finished seething about the use of physical punishment.  After all the child is not scarred for life for having had to suck on soap. Does it send the wrong message? Yes.  Do I need to call the police? No) I would take the opportunity to express to the stepmom and my ex the inappropriateness of physical punishments and discuss acceptable alternatives.  Only when I could not get a clear guarantee that physical punishments will not be used in the future would I deny a stepparent the right to correct inappropriate behavior and seek further action to protect my child. .  

My point is this: stepparents need to and should have the right to correct inappropriate behavior within the guidelines established by the parents.  If all parental figures can't get together to establish these, then a stepparent must take their cues from the parent they are involved with.  If you as the other parent do not like the guidelines your ex-spouse establishes it is your responsible to correct them.  But denying a stepparent the right to correct inappropriate behavior does not serve the welfare of your child, in fact it only encourages more bad behavior.