I'm hating myself more and more ...

[sleepymamaof3]

like in my last post this depression is making me fall further and further into despair, lonliness, whatever you would like to call it. i get so angry, so frustrated. my 3.5 year old fights going to bed, once in bed he drinks his sippy cup then has to go pee (barely) then back in bed he wants another drink, then he has to poop (which he never does, and again barely any pee). then another drink, then calls to come in our room, and so on till he falls asleep. then he wakes about 2 -4 and comes in our room, then this starts again. I get huffy, storm out of the room, and he notices. "mommy are you happy? are you mad?" i'm happy, i'm not mad. "a little mad mommy?" no i'm happy. "i'm sorry mommy, i'm sorry." ... so he doesn't even believe me when i tell him i'm happy. during the day i'll just put my head in my lap while they play or watch tv and he comes over and asks me if i'm okay, what's wrong. damn it, he's 3.5 years old, i don't want him to see me sad, i don't want to get mad and annoyed when he "needs to go pee" in the middle of the night or whatever. i never used to. i would just get up, even when i know that it is just a ploy to stay awake, and take him to the bathroom, and it would annoy me but never enough to show, it was whatever. 

i know that i am taking a step, i got meds and they are no where ready to kick in, but that's all i've done. i keep myself busy at home, cleaning, even trying to cook different meals bc i am so sick of eating the same stuff over and over again, but hubby is so damn picky that for 2 days in a row he has hated what i made (me too). i'm not a cook, and he is spanish and likes everything burnt and is picky with what american food he will eat, and i can only make a few spanish dishes. 

dh must have been made at me this morning for being snappy at 4 with my son. he is only working half a day, but i always give him a snack and he told me to stay in bed, twice, and when i said i love you he didn't respond. he doesn't get it, it's not that i'm tired, i am but i can deal with that, i can deal with feeling a little sick (cough and body ache, just getting over the cold that my lil guys already had) but it's this damn depression that is tough to deal with. with it, i have a constant pain in my chest (checked with my dr last week who said i sound fine and it is probably due to the depression and stress, which makes since bc it comes when i get really depressed or stressed, and it's stayed steady for the last 2 or 3 days when i've felt the worse.) it's because of the depression i don't want to get out of bed, not because i am tired. he is great and tries to understand, but he doesn't. 

[CheshireHope]

Feb. 17, 2010 at 9:41 AM

my kids used to do the same thing so i stopped giving drinks past 7pm. then i made them go potty before bed both pee ad poo it took them awhile to understand it. but now they get up on their own to go potty in the middle of the night.

as for your husband being picky about he foods he eats i stopped cooking for my husband and let him fend for himself when he got picky about the foods i cooked. it took about a week before he got tired for cooking for himself.

if the meds aren't working maybe you should tell the doctor.

also make some time for you after your little one is in bed. bubble bath, listen to music, read, spend an hour on whatever your hobby might be.

 i hope things get better soon.