Can't make it happy

[kittyhasclaws]

I just can't make today a "happy" birthday.  RIght now, both of my parents are at work.  I got through both of my classes today.  I went shopping.  My parents and husband will be toasting tonight with some Johnny Walker Black label because it was one of his favorite drinks.  I chose his favorite kind of Sobe considering the pregnancy.  And I can't make any of it happy.  Even if think about the funny stuff, it makes me cry.

I'm hiding up here in our room, away from my husband and daughter because I don't want to upset Andy and I don't think Jacob really knows what to do.  Hell, who does?  I have a game of Mario Brothers to play in his memory, and I just can't open the package.  I don't know.  Maybe its good that I'm crying now.  Maybe it'll let mke be stronger for my mom and dad tonight.  They still blame themselves so much, when no one can be blamed. Not even Glen.  My dad doesn't really talk about it.  I don't think he really knows how.  But I know it hurts him.  You can see it.  My mom has cried on more than one occassion about it.  She's told me how she feels like she should've known something was wrong.  But no one knew.  He didn't want anyone to know.

I wish this day would just be gone.  But I know it's going to drag on.  I wish I could just sleep through it, but I know my family needs me too.  So instead, I'm going to cook dinner, one of our favorites when we were kids, I'll pour the drinks, and I'll cry with family.  I wish I could cry with you too, Ashley.  I wish I could give you and Maddy some hugs.

[NannyB.]

Feb. 17, 2010 at 3:20 PM

Sometimes the best thing to do is put on some really sad music and just all cry together.  It is very therapeutic and nobody said today had to be a happy day.  The firsts of everything are always the hardest, so don't try to be strong for everybody else.  If you feel like bawling, just let 'er rip.  Then maybe a little later you can all laugh about all your snotty noses or messed up faces or whatever else you used to find humorous.  Tears are good for the soul, so don't be ashamed of them and don't try to pretend they aren't there.  Grieve--it will make you feel better.

[LovesmyJesus]

Feb. 17, 2010 at 7:02 PM

I agree with NannyB

[KristiS11384]

Feb. 18, 2010 at 11:49 AM

(((HUGS))) I love you Kitty. I called you yesterday as I was driving through Oregon and Jacob answered. I hadn't even realized it was Glen's birthday. I went straight through your home town and even stopped for lunch off of Campus and Dahlia. I wish you could ahve been there with us. I would have given you Hugs for real. I love you honey