Yep..its true after all i went thru..the romance with my old bf was intense but when reality hit and hard real life changing decision needed to be made i went the safe route.  I  went back to my husband. We had actually separated for 6 months but he is now back living with me  Life is a new type of normal , i can't say the same b/c he chanded so much from our splitting up.   He is a different person but does slip once in awile back ,under stress, to his old habits  that still make me mad. My kids are happier.. life is more stable so thats good.  The only problem i have is that i'm not iove with him and my heart aches for my bf..i think  about him everyday and miss that closeness that connection we had.  It was more emotional than physical for sure.     i cant' even kiss my husband without thinking of my ex bf.  i thought over itme these feeling would fade , maybe i just need to give it more time.

With my ex bf i came to realize after several visits and interactions..that he is essentially the same as he wsa when i knew him before ..when he said he ddint change he meant it. Except i changed and i see him in  a new  light and its not pretty.  30 years ago.. no job.. a bare apartment ..sleeping on a mattress on a floor..apart from your family .. just starting over was cool..exciting.. an adventure!!!!.but when you are a 50 year old adult ..its not cool.. its friggin scarey.. very unstable... as a matter of fact  add to the mix ..he has 4 kids..only one he sort of raised but gave up to his sister when she turned 12 .. he is a alcoholic..has trouble keeping a job..still distant from his family..then well you get the picture.   As much as i love the guy i just couldn't take thechance.. he was homeless when i first met up with him again.. but i took all that as a temporary situation..but as time went on..and he still didn't have a permanant job, still struggled with alcohol..he told me he quit.. i began to wonder..

I't's been a year now since i've been back with my husband..i still think of my old bf everyday..more when my husband turns into his old self which is now 90% of the time.. the person he had changed into is not longer there..i've tried to initiate activities things for us but he has no interest and shrugs me off. makes excuses.. there were no winners in this one..

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