just alittle background....

[udamskipy]

I am the type person who loves to write, I am an author at heart and have always been.  Since I have been able to write, I have kept a journal. I have chests full of them. I lost alot of them though, when my parents house burnt down four years ago. I had stored alot of my stuff in the attic there. Precious, priceless things like my children's baby books, pictures, most of my journals from my childhood... so, I also lost alot of my sentimental things. My journals being one of them. I had journals from kindergarden! yea, I remember one entry, where a little boy had pushed me down, on the playground, and pulled off my shoe, LOL...that was one of the worst days on my little life! and I came straight home and wrote about it in my journal! So, yea, writing is a pretty big part of my life. And now that I have found this wonderful site, I have another place that I can journal, and the best part is, I can get someone's opinion on my thoughts and problems! I think this place is great! and I cant wait to make new friends here! Now, alittle bit about me as a person. ...I have had a pretty good life, so far. It has had its ups and downs, as Im sure everyone's has. And what may seem horrible to you, might now be that bad in my world...and vice versa. One of things that really had a huge impact on my life, and everyone's around me, was when I had the car accident that left me disabled. Before my accident, I was a full time nurse, and mother. I kept up my house and my job, along with all the sports and after school stuff...I was full of life, and loved every minute of it! All that changed, in one instant. When a fema worker who was speeding, didnt stop or slow down for a red light. I was in front of him, and another car was in front of me. He slammed into my rear-end, going est. 70 mph. I was going app. 5 mph, getting ready to take off from the red light. When he hit my rear-end, he pushed my vehicle into the one in front of me, crushing mine and spinning me at the same time. I spun around three times and landed facing the opposite direction, almost on my side, in the ditch on the other side of the road. When paramedics finally removed me from my car, the man that had hit me had already signed a medical release and police report. So, I never laid eyes on the man that changed my life forever. The ride in the ambulance was something that I will never forget, (I relive all of it, daily actually, but) we were close to a local hospital. Probably only five miles or so away, but it seemed like an hour. With all the radio's squawking and siren's screaming, the paramedics that worked on me were trying to keep me calm, but, I was so scared. And the one question that repeats itself in my mind, is when they said, "Can you wiggle your toes for me?" I couldnt. They poked my foot,..nothing, and as I laid there, flat of my back, I knew what they were doing and I had already done the process in my mind of what had happened to me. With my medical background, I knew that each time they asked me if I felt it, they were poking me harder, and I felt nothing. Once we finally arrived at the ER, I was rushed into X-ray, and MRI and cat scan. Then back to one of the little cubicles, by myself, flat of my back, feeling nothing but my head throbbing. After what seemed like a lifetime of wait, in the little space alone, the nurse came and offered me a pain shot. Which I so dearly needed, but I didnt want to be incoherent when the Dr talked to me. So, I asked her where and when he would be able to speak with me, and that he needed to do it quickly! So, she went and got the Dr, and he spoke with me before I was given anything for pain. I had alot of little things, bruises, a few stitches, stuff like that. But, I had lost consciousness during impact, and they were thinking I had some type of brain injury. Which, at the time, my trail of thought was clear and I knew exactly what had happened, where I was, what day it was..all that ...so, I was wanting to get to the injury that was screaming at me, my spinal injury. He had this look in his eyes, one that I knew all too well. I had given that look to people, when I had to tell them something that was going to change their life, as they knew it. So, I just came out and told that Dr, "Listen, Im a RN, and I know Im hurt bad. I just need to know that internal damage, and how long its gonna take me to be able to walk. I dont want the run around, give me the facts, and let me see my charts." He stood there for a min. then shook his head in agreement, sighed and started to lay it out. I had broken my left hip, in serveral different places, I had four compression fractures in my spine. (broke my back in four places) Total disintegrated discs, that were between the vertebrae that were broken.  Unknown nerve damage, And He declared me a paraplegic, with a 15% chance of having 'some' use of my legs after extensive physical therapy. I would likely have some signs from the injury to my brain, that would show up later on.  So, that was the facts, (ina nutshell) and all that was left to do was call my family, and start dealing with it, and getting better. I was sooo lucky just to be alive. A seatbelt saved my life. And, I do not get in a vehicle now, without wearing one, as do my kids and my family. But, it has taken more than five years for me to be able to get back into a vehicle without panic attacks. But, after a week and a few days in the hospital, I was released home, and instructed to undergo intensive physical therapy. I was immobile for atleast six months. Not even able to raise up in bed, without help. I had a 'jewet' brace fitted to me, upon being released. And I wore it for 8 months. At first, I couldnt feel a thing, totally numb. But, little by little, every day, I would work my legs. With my medical background, I had a great knowledge of range of motion, and therapy. So, I already had the therapy, all I needed was to carry it out. And thats what I did. I started with a long towel, wrapped around my foot. With each end in hand, I would pull my leg up, bend it, and then back down. then switch legs, and repeat it for two hours a day, sometimes more, it depended on how I felt, and how bad I hurt. The pain was awful, one of the hardest things I have dealt with in my life. But, after two months, I was able to raise myself up in bed, and had regained some feeling in my thighs. My feet were still so so, but, I didnt give up. I worked myself out everyday, day in and day out, for five months, atleast two hours a day. By the end of the fifth month, I was standing on my own, (wobbly) and was able to get across a room on a walker. Going into the sixth month after my accident, I was walking on a walker, and able to bath myself and do some independent things. After eight months, the Dr removed the brace, and told me that I was one of the most amazing people that he had ever known. He documented my case, and still uses me as an example for his other paralysis and spinal cord injury patients. One year after my accident, I was living back in my own home, (without my mother's assistance) taking care of myself and my two kids, with the help of my husband, of course. I still have to use a cane for assistance to walk, and still have some paralysis in my left leg where my hip was broken. But, I think that I do ok. I have my good days and my bad ones, but who doesnt really? It has been almost seven years, since the accident. And the doctors asked me just a few months ago, if I would still want to consider surgery for my left leg, to regain feeling, and maybe not have to use my cane. I said no, not untill I stop progressing on my own, and when I feel that I 'need' to try more, I will, but not untill then. Now, I have some memory loss, from the accident, and a few little things that my mind as some trouble with every now and then, but other than that, I do just fine. I do have some depression from time to time though, and have been diagnosed with several things, of course, my Dr has prescribed plenty of meds for. Iam not one that take many medicines. Hell, If I did, all I would do is pop pills! LOL, I wouldnt have time for anything else! Dr's give me a pill for everything, like thats going to make it all better! LOL...well, I got news for ya, I dont want everything to be 'all better'! The pain is a reminder for me, to keep on fighting, it reminds me that I can overcome this, that I am better and stronger. Just like everyone else, I have my downfalls, my faults and my own little flaws. But, I have learned to deal with most of them, and the ones that I struggle with, are the ones that I tend to talk about, or write about the most...my therapy is cheap, pen and paper! hey, it works pretty good...for me anyways. And, that is just alittle snip of paper, from the great notebook that is called my crazy life! My accident was, and still is such a big part of who I am, I just felt like I should put the story behind it in here...that way, if someone really wants to know, then here ya go. Cant say I didnt try! I try each and every day, sometimes I feel like crap, sometimes worse, but those days do end..just like all the rest. I thank you for taking time to learn alittle about me, and I would love to hear what ya think..let me know, or if there's something ya want to know about me, just ask...Im pretty open, if ya havent noticed! hee hee!  take care, and God Bless.

                                                                         RL