Met with Radiation Doctor TOday!

[Elda90042]

 

2-26/10

 

Today was the long awaited appt with the Radiation Doctor.  What I expected was to be informed of when I will start recieving radiation.

 

First, The Doctor felt my breast and said there was edema (swelling) due to the lymphnodes having been affected due to the Sentinel node removal..Lymphatic system is a drainage system~lymphnodes around affected area arent draining properly- so that is why my breast gets hard and painful.  They will schedule occupational therapy (breast massage) to help guide lymphatic system to drain better.   On the average women will stop feeling breast pain within 2 months although some take up to 2 yrs!!!

 

2ND~ is that the 3 characteristics are measured in the cells...1) was positve for estrogen levels which meant I have to have hormone therapy for 5 yrs.  and 2) was some 3 letter term that meant I have to have CHEMOTHERAPY!!!! When I heard that I had to have CHEMO I nearly cried; I was instantly stunned and extremely distraught, but even though my eyes waterd up I held it in.  

 

So first is chemo--5 days a week for 2-3 months, then Radiation and finally 5 yrs of hormones.><

 

I came home and digested it all.  I kept tearing up but for some reason wouldnt allow myself to full on cry.  I was faithfully believing that CHEMO was never an option.  I dont want it.  Dont wanna get sick- or naseous--dont wanna lose my hair.

 

I was suppoed to heal and get back to work ASAP.  I need to help contribute financially--we are literally at the bottom of a pit and with the faith i had I was trying to encourage my husband to be positive and hopeful as i was towards everything we are experiencing.    I had seen God's hand reaching down to grasp mine and help pull me (us) up and out of the pit!!

 

My unemployment checks have concluded (5 extensions was very gracious and totally appreciated )  That small amount was getting us by BARELY! and we have to make some plans....Plan A dont pay mortgage (bc we'll not be able to afford it) become delinquent and perhaps we'll qualify for a gov program to help lower our monthly --Also our 401 K will let us take our money out if we had a letter from our lender stating that we are in foreclosure but not before !  Crazy!

Plan B Dont pya the bills and get all the interest rates to skyrocket along with late fees. 

 

Our income tax return was supposed to go towards our property tax bill due in April, but apparently it was cut in half and now we can even pay that!  They're no extensions just 10% late fees.

 

So today, I get this "CHEMO" news and feel the grasp of God has slipped.  I was so hopeful even with all the financial troubles - I was uplifting my hard working- dependable husband because this is not the time for him to fall apart on me and I detected a little sadness in his spirit yesterday night.  He doesnt even know about the CHEMO yet.

 

Now I am afraid ( i wsnt before) Now I'm scared!  I am about to start losing HOPE and  not because of my health but these financial dilemas.

 

I dont know where deep down insdie of me am I going to get the strength I need to re-charge my Faith that everything will be alright and to rejuvinate my Hope that something wonderfully miraculous will be put onto our path.

 

Now my mind is tossing back and forth ideas of how are we going to get out of this mess?  "what can we possibly do??"   I have to be proactive--cant sit around doing nothing but mopeing.

 

* how does bankruptcy work?  do we even qualify (we probably dont owe enough!) Does it affect husband and wife together?  what are pro's and con's of it?

 

*We cant get a re-fi or a loan b/c we only have one income

 

*we can sell our home due to the low values-we woldnt make enough profit for a down payment for a cheaper home- and even if we did, we cant get a loan b/c of one income. 

And now I have to think about alternatives to chemo- I want to research anything Holistic, natural etc...There's got to be something else....

I am scared.

 

This is to much!   I dont know anything anymore.  

 

I am lost.

[Cenedra64]

Feb. 26, 2010 at 6:03 PM

Omg I thought you were cancer free.   I didn't know you were going through all this.  first I want to give you a big (((((((HUG))))) I'll be praying for you hon.  YOu're one of the most encouraging people I know.   You definately deserve a lot in return

[GraceHope5]

Feb. 26, 2010 at 6:38 PM

I am so saddend to hear of everything that you have been hit with - physically, financially and otherwise.  I'm praying for you harder than before now.  I can only think of this to say, a quote from some pastor long ago, "When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window."  Also, here's  a verse, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.: (Jeremiah 31:12, 13) Here's another: "THose who sow in tears shall reap in joy.  He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for the sowing, whall doubltless come again with rejoicing, brining his sheaves with him." (Jeremiah 29:11) OK, here's one more too: " God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1)  Let me know if these scriptures are of any help to you, because I have a bunch more if you would like to hear them.  I wish I could could do something more to help you.  I'm praying for your husband also - that God would comfort and strengthen him.  I can feel the Lord's love for you as I pray for you and write this. 

              Love,

                          GraceHope5

[claudiayreyes]

Feb. 26, 2010 at 7:22 PM

 dont know where deep down insdie of me am I going to get the strength I need to re-charge my Faith that everything will be alright and to rejuvinate my Hope that something wonderfully miraculous will be put onto our path

sweetie you already know that we can't do it alone we need to really hand it over... things specially the great ones do not come easy! we know this...but with that sais I want you to remember ALL HAS A PURPOSE...we do not know why , but he has a plan ..don't ask how ask what... what dear LORD do you want me to do? who am i suposed to be reaching with your message of LOVE, HOPE,SALVATION! we have a tough battle ahead of us but remember in JESUS CHRIST we are victorios!!! I am always here for you when you need me!

[WiseMom1970]

Feb. 26, 2010 at 7:46 PM

oh my goodness, you have me wanting to cry. :( I'm so sorry to hear about your news. I wish there was something that I could do that could take those feelings away. What I can tell you is something that you already know, that God is with you, and that He WILL carry you through the hard times. I know you have a lot on your plate, but truthfully all I can say is to give your burden to Jesus, and then bring yourself to trusting that God will work everything out for you.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Love you Sister and will be praying that God will work in your situation and give you some comfort and peace. And that somewhere out of the blue, you'll see a door open, and God will make all things possible.

[Family4Eternity]

Feb. 26, 2010 at 8:01 PM

Hello Elda
Sorry 2 hear you are having such trials. Your faith is being tested in a hard way. I will be praying for you & have listed some scriputures that I felt lead 2 share with you today. I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4) When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. (Psalm 34:17) Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4) I can't even imagine what you must be going through at this time but please know that I am here for you anytime you need an ear, a hug or someone 2 listen. ((hugs)) N Prayers

[GLiTTeRguRL1]

Feb. 26, 2010 at 10:12 PM

So sorry Elda, you are being dealt all of this at once. I can't fathom, what you are feeling right now. I pray, that God will take care of you and heal you from this horrible cancer. Please don't give up. There is a way out of this somehow. Keep the Faith. ((((Hugs))))

[CallieLynsMommy]

Feb. 26, 2010 at 10:41 PM

Hi Elda,

I just wanted to say that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I too am battling cancer and understand the emotional, physical, mental, and financial toll this has upon you and your family. It's very difficult but try and stay strong! Chemo is rough and we're struggling to be well again but the battle is well worth it in the end. Please let me know if you need to talk, I'm here!

<3

Jamie

[Artladydp]

Feb. 27, 2010 at 10:08 AM

Hey, Elda, my sweet friend.  I'm sorry you are so down.  This doesn't even sound like the Elda I know.  This sounds like the old Elda I used to know.  You are strong.  You are faithful.  You love the Lord with all your heart.  You are a disciple.  You know the Lord is going to bring you through all this.  You know it.  This is just another trial.  A bummer for sure, but another trial.  You know the Lord has something great planned for you.  Deep down you know that.  He will show it to you when it's time.  He is rarely early but never late.  Your time of blessing is coming.  It is already written in His book.  You have proven you are faithful and He will reward you at just the right time.  Keep praying.  Keep believing.  Keep rejoicing.  You are closer than you think to your blessing.  The most difficult time is right before the victory!  YES!  Be on the lookout for it.

As for bankruptcy, we have a guy that works for us that just filed Chapter 13 to keep his house from being foreclosed.  I don't know anything about it, but you may want to try to find some info about it.  Just a suggestion.

You know I pray for you.  I will continue to do so.  If you were right here beside me, I'd hug your neck and not let you go.  You are precious to me.  I love you.

Debby

[txmom-o-3]

Mar. 5, 2010 at 10:51 AM

Elda sweetie,  don't try to go through this alone.  Lean on your friends and family for added strength and encouragement.  God will carry you through this and give you the strength you need, just remember you are never alone.  HUGGS

[Angellinda]

Mar. 25, 2010 at 9:10 PM

I'm Sorry my friend! But you'll get through this some how. Some way! I'm right with you! The story is a bit different. But we're jobless here! Just one tiny unemployment check is it! Bills, repairs and needful things can't be met. We're so behind! Heck even my car can';t take me to all of my apt.s I'm sorry for all you're going through. I'm glad we're friends. And can share our same issues and this Awful Disease we're both going through! I pray your situation works out for you! God speed.  God's blessings and healing! Wishing & praying you well in every possible way.