OK Ladies. Please let me know if I'm being silly. Do any of you have a best friend but at the same time don't know why they're your best friend? I have this friend. She and I grew very close about 8 years ago. Yes. I would say at that time we were best friends! But as the years have gone I'm beginning to wonder if we really still are. We are complete opposites. She is a SAHM and I am a full time working mom. While I know that I could never be a SAHM I always feel like she judges me for working by comments she makes. I'm not a motherly person. Don't get me wrong I love my lil man but I don't feel myself as motherly. I'm not setimental over keeping candles on a bday cake or taking pictures at ever single event outside of our home. We parent so differently. She's very protective..I'm not. She just makes me feel like a horrible mother everytime I around her. Maybe I'm the one that's making myself feel that way.  

I love my career! I'm proud of myself for getting my Bachelor's and can't wait to go back and get my Masters. She has not done either of these. She didn't go to school so that she could raise her kids and be a wife.  We just seem to be two different people. I'm to the point now that the thought of being around her puts me in a bad mood. I don't want to say I'm jealous of her. I know I couldn't stay home. But I can't pinpoint what it is that makes me so mad around her. We don't hang out much anymore. She continuly says she misses her best friend (me) but I just can't deal with her. She is a very good sweet person. But I just can't figure out what it is that makes me feel the way I do around her or talking to her.

Please tell me if I'm crazy..bc I feel that way sometimes with that!

Thanks for listening!


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Mar. 1, 2010 at 6:22 PM

As we grow older we tend to change. If you feel she is judging you because you are a working mom maybe it is time to change the friendship.  I am a disabled stay at home mom. My best friend is a single career woman. She has no children and she loves her independence.  She would never judge me for the choices I have made. I got married for the first time at 19, divorced at 26 and remarried at 33.  I have four children and I love my life... outside of being in a wheelchair but that is beyond my control.  My other best friend is my younger sister. She is a single mom and has to work full time. I know she would love to be able to stay home with my niece but it just isn't plausable. We need different people in our lives at different times.  I know that I had to distance myself from some friends as I have grown up.  I hope I didn't babble too much and that this actually made some kind of sense.  Take care of you.

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Mar. 2, 2010 at 3:14 AM

I dont think your crazy lol, I have a friend who i have grown apart from. We have both been working moms and both been SAHM's with both have special needs children. But we are very opposite, she has her own medical issues and for a very long time i lived in her shadow and was fine with it, i took the verbal assaults on my parenting skills (now i realize there was never anything wrong with how i parent) she always had something to criticize, treated me like a child and would become jealous if i spent more time with other friends. She would do what she could to push those friends away from me.

It took me a very long time to realize all those things, i was blind to it, i was living far from family and had few friends in a new town and so i clung to whatever friendship i found. What i realized over the last few years is that she and i are VERY different and being around her i lost part of myself.

Sometimes you dont realize till much later that parts of your friendship dont work. Maybe try and figure out exactly what is causing you to feel this way, it could be something she does or it could be something that you need to resolve with your self either way if you need time away from her then do it. If she is truly your friend then she will be there once you have figured out what you feel about the friendship.

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Mar. 6, 2010 at 8:41 PM

I have been the working mom and stay at home mom.  Each has its own issues.

  I wonder if your friend wishes at time she was a working mom.  Do not get me wrong I am not saying she is aware of it.  I remember when I was a  stay at home mom I wished I was known as Me, not someones mother, or wife.  She could be lonely and wishes you could spend more time together.

  I did enjoy working once my children entered school.  I am once again a stay at home mom now because I inhaled chemicals accidentally at work.  I am slowly getting better and I want to go back to work.

My friends was a stay at home mom.  She did make some comments about me working.  I wondered, but we stayed friends.  There were times we were not so close.  But it has now been 19 years.  Her child has grown and she is going back to school.  She wants to work .  We are much closer and are planning a 20 year celebration of our friendship.

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Feb. 4, 2011 at 12:27 PM

Again...I know you posted this a long time ago. How are things now? Congratulations on achievign your degrees. That is truly something to be proud of. What did you get your degrees in? None of my friends have very much education and I can really tell a difference in our life styles, parenting styles, speaking styles, etc. I feel it is hard to have a real connection with people who are so different from yourself. I think there are a few fundamental areas people need to have in common to create strong bonds: education/intelligence level, parenting styles, life goals. I have yet to find someone who fits that mold for me, but I'm not giving up the search! I hope all has worked out for you!

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