Why I am Fat

[BatmansLilMiss]

I refuse to give excuses as to why I am a large girl.

All of my pictures as a child showed me to have a belly, but never a fat girl. I was happy in my cheerleading skirt and cowboy cut jeans. I was cute.

The last size I can remember before I hit a size 10 in women's was a 6x in little girls. Size 10 was perfect for me. I was wearing a training bra in 2nd grade, and started my period when I was 8. I was not ready for any of this, but unfortunatly, I had no choice. When I was 13 my parents learned of the growth horomones in milk and the beef in the area and were convinced that this was the reason for my early maturity and why I was heafty.  I carried all of my weight well. I never looked fat, just healthy. But I was fat!

Fast forward to middle school. My parents split up when I was two, so I lived with my dad full time and saw my mother during the summers. Every year I would come back and my dad would mention that I looked heavier...Mind you I have played soccer from the time I was 7 until I turned 20, but I didn't play over the summers with my mom. It was a time to relax and enjoy it.

Freshman year of high school I dropped 50 lbs and was back into a size 10 from a 12 (weighed 135) and enjoyed my shapely figure. Did I mention that I had horribly acne from the time I started my period until I graduated high school? My body was beautiful. I was shapely and looked the best I have in my life, but my face looked like I had been dragged across a blacktop at recess.  Self-esteem at this point was only a pipe-dream.

I was put on birth control sophomore year in high school. Yazmen gave me 25 lbs, the worst moodswings of my life as well as 6 months constant bleeding. I didn't give up, I switched birth controls for several years.

I went to college and the Aug. I started I weighed 200 lbs. and started Depo the following spring. Hello 213! I was so happy to have only gained 13 lbs in two years. At this point I met my future husband..We started living together the day after we met and the weight started to go up again. I was happy and eating well.

The last time I went home for my annual gyno appointment they put me on the scale and I weighed 235 lbs. my heaviest I have ever weighed. My blood pressure was starting to get too high ...I asked to come off the depo, now it's February and I am sitting at 224. It's going down slowly, but still sitting on my hips and my stretch marked belly.

Now ask me why I am fat. I don't have an answer. I figure alot of it is that I don't eat enough. I eat once or twice a day. One good dinner and usually something very small in the middle of the day. I drink maybe 1-3 cokes a week. I try to go out and walk at least 1 mile a day, but it doesn't always happen. I'm lazy, but I try. I have no energy, no metabolism to speak of...but you know what?

My sister is 100 lbs. She has had three children and is still 100 lbs. She looked at me one night while we went out and said that women are just that way, they are not  happy with themselves no matter what...I looked at her and told her that I am happy with myself. all 224 lbs of me. She will never be happy with her toned flat abs, and my stretch marks, big hips, flabby large belly make me who I am and if I can keep myself at this weight I will be happy with myself because I have a husband and children who love me, a roof over my head, money in the bank, and many people who love me not because of my body, but because of my heart and mind.

[Kmelion]

Mar. 4, 2010 at 1:19 AM

Have you ever been tested for PCOS? Had your thyroid tested?