I Haz Giant Hairy Balls

Jo's Askewed Deliberations?

I Haz Giant Hairy Balls
Mar 9, 2010 at 10:47 PM
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- Nehalennia
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I am what you would call an even-keel, peace-keeping, non-aggressive, non-judgemental, non-confrontational...(get the idea?) person. I will deliberate, think about, debate and consider just about anything. Except for riding roller coasters, flying in airplanes, water skiing, blow-jobs (gag reflex thing...ya, I know they have numbsitstuff...but), wrong orifice sex, bungee jumping, big giant swings and that thing that shoots you way up in the air and back down again really really fast...(get the idea?) So basically, I'm a really mellow chicken shit.

How was that for a run-on sentence all my grammar-geared friends? :D

So, how did I grow my giant hairy balls? My son's basketball coach pissed me off the fuck off and made my head spin.
My son, Alex, missed two practices this year. He stayed home for the Daytona 500 to watch the race with his dad. Just like every year for the last six years. The coach decided to have practice the next day on Monday, President's Day. No one called us to tell us there was a newly scheduled practice.
The previous practice we were at, he had told Alex that he would start the next game. Next game comes, he sits the bench the entire first half. When I asked the coach about this, he said it was because he chose not to come to practice. It was punishment for staying home and watching the race. I said "Well, did you tell him that?" He said "No."
I reminded him that every other player on the team has missed as many, if not more than Alex. Why did he single out my son for punishment and start the other kids? He stammered and said something about 'dedication and commitment'. I mumbled something about being a 'crock of shit'.
My son isn't the best player on the team. This is Pee-Wee League ball at the 12-13 year old level. He loves to play, he works 110% during his practices, then has the luxury of keeping the bench warm for the other players during games.
I told coach that his answer was unfair and that he just pulled it out of his ass so he would have an excuse to not start him. I told him he has never done that to any of his other players. ALL have missed more practices than Alex.
At the end of the next game, he told Alex "I'm sick of this shit and I better not be getting anymore grief from parents about playing time. And if you'd bother to show up to practice, you might learn something."
Alex came across the court as we were getting ready to leave and told us and the other parents what the coach said. Another team-mate came over about a minute later and said the exact same thing.
My husband took off across the court to the door where coach had just left. I ran after. We had a blow-out yelling and screaming match in the parking lot because of what he said to Alex. My non-confrontational, peace-keeping self grew a set of giant hairy balls as I went ballistic on someone who just fucked with my kid.
I am 5'4". Coach is closer to 6'. I stood chest to nose with him, looked him right up into his eyes and told him point blank he was a liar and a chicken-shit for not even having the decency to tell Alex himself that he was being benched for missing practice. I called bull-shit and he knew it. He just wanted to play the kids in which he might have a chance to win the game. Which we lost by more than 30 points. Like we would have lost by any more if Alex would have played. I told him he was an awful coach for telling a child that if he'd bother to show up for practice he would learn something. He tried to deny it, but me and my little dog attitude got all up in his grill and proceeded to tell him all about himself.

I submitted a formal complaint to the board. We did not speak for the last two practices and last two games. We lost every game this year.
I heard that he's not coaching next year. So there! Asshole! *crosses arms*

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