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Im turning my back on my kids......
- Mar 12, 2010 at 9:57 AM
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- Comments (15) Total Views (615) Everyone can see this journal post.
Signs of Caregiver Burnout
How Family Caregivers Can Recognize Their Own Depression
Warning Signs of Caregiver Depression
If caregivers experience two or more of these symptoms, it’s time to take a look at the situation and to begin helping themselves.
Guilt often Prevents Family Caregivers from Getting Help for Burnout
If a person entered an occupation which required them to:
- be on call 24 hours per day, seven days per week;
- interrupted their sleep so they were never rested;
- provided no training but tons of responsibility;
- offered little or no pay and actually cost them money;
- and prevented them from having any free time to themselves;
nobody would judge them as being weak if they suffered burnout, nor would they tell them to stop complaining and snap of it. Yet caregivers judge themselves this way. And they have the added burdens of being worried about their loved one and all of the consequences of illness in a family.
Why Suppressing Feelings Can Contribute to Caregiver Depression
The function of feelings is to alert people that something needs to be changed or addressed. Having guilt about feelings can interfere with this process. People caring for ill loved ones may feel like running away, but just because they feel that way doesn’t mean they should or would do it. Perhaps they would simply like to have a few hours off. People will be judged by their actions, not their feelings, so it is important for caregivers to not let guilt about feelings prevent them from understanding what their feelings are trying to tell them.
While it is true that wallowing in feelings is not helpful for family caregivers who must take action every day, suppressing and ignoring feelings can lead to caregiver burnout because their valuable message is ignored. Instead of wallowing or suppressing, people can think about interpreting their feelings and translating them into positive action that will help them cope with caregiving.
There is no magic cure for the pains of caring for a sick loved one. Chronic illness is indeed sad for the patient and the family members, there is no way to avoid this. Caregiving is extremely challenging and there is no way to deny that. Managing the situation in the healthiest way possible is all that a person can aim for. This includes being alert to the signs of caregiver burnout and seeking out support groups, mental health, or medical care as necessary.
Read more at Suite101: Signs of Caregiver Burnout: How Family Caregivers Can Recognize Their Own Depression http://caringfortheaged.suite101.com/article.cfm/signs_of_caregiver_burnout#ixzz0hyStT53N
Comments:
I can totally relate with this...I have had to take care of and help my mom since I was 14 years old....i do feel like my life was stolen from me because i never had one....she had a bad stroke 7 years ago and although she has gotten mostly better...it is still my responsiblity to take her shopping and do her bidding...i am the youngest of her three kids...i have two older brothers who do absolutely nothing to help out with her and never really have...ugh i could go on and on and on...it is very stressful to have to be someone's little helper for the rest of your life...thank you for this
I have a child with autism. Thing is . . . where do you get the help? My son has a twice-a-month social group which gives me some respite, and he's in school during the day, but it gets harder as he gets older (he's 11 now.) I registered for respite care but couldn't find a provider, and was later told by a group of parents that what they really want is for you to bring in your own people and get them registered as providers. Uh, I don't HAVE my own people.
And what are we going to do when we're gone and there's no one to take care of him?
Thanks for this information! It's true...take care of YOU!!
I thank you ladies for replying. I too have no family. My mother died in 98 and i never had a real father. I have one sister and one brother but we are not close. So its just me and my husband which these are NOT his children. He has no children of his own. He told me yesterday that my caring for the boys is affecting everything about me. And that we needed to talk about the "future". Thing is...i KNOW it may be time to let go but i just cant. Im scared someone will abuse them or not feed them enough or not change them when they need to be changed. My children dont keep account of injury meaning if you are mean to them they forgive and forget in 5 minutes because they dont know any better and that FRIGHTENS ME! I keep trying to tell myself i have more to give im just not doing everything a mom could mabye i could do more. But reality tells me....i have done all i can do. I dont want to hold them back from being in a facility that could possibly do more with them in the community or socially and i dont want to hold myself back. Its not fair to any of us. So i just dont know what to do. And im torn and hurt cause mothers shouldnt have to feel defeated in caring for their children.
Cant post the video of my oldest trying to physically fight me. Cafemom need to add that feature to Journals. Unbelieveable.
You can add it to the journals, upload it on youtube, then you will be able to.If you need help let me know. Hugs
Didnt want it on youtube. But thats ok. Im just trying to move past this and have a good day today. Thanks a lot for replying.
youcan download all your movies private so no one can see them. I hope you do have a better day and big hugs to you. Take care hun
H i have two children with 2 different sydromes my oldest is 9 and my baby is nearly 17months. I recently had to start looking into respite care for my 9 year old as am the only person she wants to look after her and wont let anyone else do anything for her I never wanted to send her to respite care I know I should of started the process years ago but my family was so against it but I had to start to think of myself for a change as am so tried and after reading those points I can say i have a few of those points. I would go and visited some places to see what their like I went last week and visited the respite house for her which I cried as I felt I was abandoning her but the nurses and my community nurse said that the way all the parents feel when they first arrive so I walked in and I was surprise I thought it was going to look like a hospital but it was like a house I wouldnt mind going their myself for a few days so shea will get 24 days in the year to stay their I would do what your gut is telling u to do as that what I always do take care of yourself.
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I've been trying to understand the symptoms of feeling burned out. I didnt know what to look for and for 20 years of caring for my disabled children i slowly felt these symptoms creep up on me. Thing is a mother cannot put her child(ren) in a institution. Its unthinkable. It had always been me and my children.....a family. No matter what happened in life we had each other and we endured because of the bond we have. I cant turn my back on my children. Today they still need me.
You know when children reach a certain age they graduate from school, move out, get married and mabye have their own children. Mine never will. Cerebral Palsy and ADHD and other illness prevents them from being able to have a "normal" life.
I wanted so much to do this till i was 50 or even till i died. And it hurts to know i may be at my end. I just cant let go. Mothers dont do that. But mabye i have done all i can do.
Cafemom if you ever find it difficult to understand something your dealing with...research it. The relief of understanding, knowing your not just going through life without understanding gives you comfort. Once you understand how you feel your able to put your feelings into action. Dont give out so much love and physical energy that you forget about .....you.
- peachfuzz2009
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