Would you make your 16 year old switch schools??

[birdfeeder]

 I'll first state my question, then the (long) background.

Would you make your 16 year old switch schools?? 

January 2009 I was divorced and awarded decent CS/Alimony.  The marital house had to go up for sale, and my youngest daughter and I remained in the house.  My ex did too for a while, (I never got him "kicked" out), and eventually he moved out. He and I split the mortgage, which was not high.

October 2009 my ex had me back in court, and he was awarded an enormous drop in CS/alimony.  (Yes, I work full time, but I don't earn much),, and I was now putting groceries and gas on credit cards. I filed to go back to court and try and win some of my support back, but it was months until we could get infront of a judge.

By January 2010, the house sold and I still hadn't gotten infront of a Judge (to try and win some of my financial support back).  My 16 year old and I had to get out of the house soon.  I would be getting some money from the sale of the house, provided all went forward with the sale.  I had to "act fast".  It was a risk for me to rent an apartment.  If the sale of the house didn't go through, I'd be stuck with 1/2 a mortgage, plus a year's lease on an apartment, and utilities on two places, etc!!

And I didn't even have the money at that time to pay for moving costs, first months rest & security deposit.

My 16 year old and I moved in with my boyfriend.  It cost me $1500 to move and have the house cleaned up and made ready for the new owners.

Now......... the problem is, the commute.  I drive 22 miles to get my daughter back to our town  to go to her HS, and I continue from there another 20 mintues or so to my job.  Most every day,, I leave the house before 7:00 to get her to her school, and I often do not start work until 9:00, so I have over an hour where I end up sitting in a restaurant because I don't start work until 9:00. 

After school, she takes the school bus to her friends house, and i pick her up from there and head on home.  We don't get home until after 7:00 at night.  By the time we get home,,, it's almost time to be getting to bed.

I'm exhausted from the driving, and long days,,, we are gone from home over 12 hours a day.  My daughter likes my boyfriend and his house, and I appreciate him taking us in, but she's 22 miles from her HS.  I can't take the commuting and long days.  This just isn't working.  She'll get her drivers lisense before long, but I feel it's far too much of a drive for her (being a new driver). 

I'm breaking down.

I've been awarded some of my support back, but not all of it.  And, I do have some money from the sale of the house.  I feel most of that money should be put towards retirement because my ex already gets 1/2 of my tiny pension as it is!!

So, I don't want to "blow" all that money on living expenses.

My 16 year old doesn't want to switch schools (to the school out here).  But, I can't keep driving her back to her school, it's just too much,,but I also don't feel comfortable (as mentioned above) letting her drive herself next fall being she'd be too much of a new driver.

It's down to the point where I move her and I back to our town to be by her school, or force her to switch to the school our here for the last two years of HS,, (and we stay with my boyfriend).

Moving into an apartment would be expensive.  We'd be living extremely tight, especially if I'm trying not to to tap into the money that should be used for when I get older.

So ladies,, do I move back to my town to make my 16 year old happy, or make her switch schools so we can remain living with my boyfriend.  We're happy here, and sharing cost obviously is financially the best thing to do, but I don't know how she'll take having to go to a new school.

I'm miserable with this decison.

[sheebs]

Mar. 14, 2010 at 9:32 PM

Well, I guess I have a question.  Are you going to continue your current job?  How out of the way is the picking up your daughter from her friends house (like if you were driving from your job to your boyfriends house instead of making the stop, how much difference could it make?).  Would you get home any earlier in the evening if you weren't picking her up.

Is there any way you can adjust your hours to come in an hour earlier and leave an hour earlier?  My boyfriend just worked that out with the military, believe it or not, so that he's going in and leaving a half hour earlier than normal schedule so that he's available to pick up my son from after school care.

Is there any possibility of you switching jobs to either the town you are in now or the one she goes to high school in?  That would shorten your commute.

It is a tough call.  when I divorced my ex we had custody of my nieces who are now juniors in high school.  I debated fighting for custody because I have no doubt they'd be better of with me...he let them use their college fund to buy a car, leaves them home alone for the weekend (they are now 17) and doesn't supervise them at all.  Really, at all.  He is clueless (they are twins).  However, it would have meant moving them across country with me and away from their crazy mother that they visit, family and friends.  in our case, they came to us because they'd been in 10 schools by 6th grade, lived with multiple other families etc.  So the decision to let them have the stability and same school etc they'd had for a few years was an easy one for me (relatively speaking).

I would look at as many options as you can right now.  Maybe her driving at least a couple days a week would be a compromise for you?

[jokelta]

Mar. 15, 2010 at 12:12 PM

I wouldn't force her to switch.  She's had so many changes already.  This is the one thing that is stable.  As parents we have to sacrifice for our children and sweetie I think you are just going to have to keep sacrificing for the next year or two.  You'd feel awful if you made her switch and she rebelled, or went into depression, or her grades plummeted.  Remember it's not forever!  Hugs!

 

[birdfeeder]

Mar. 15, 2010 at 9:37 PM

Jokelta,, my 16 year old and I were again talking about this issue on the way home,, and you're right,, I just can't make her switch,, she just breaks down too much.  But,, I wasn't sure what you were suggesting??  That I go back to our city, or keep on commuting?  If she were to do some of the driving,, (EVEN ONE DAY A WEEK NEXT SCHOOL YEAR),, it would really help me out,, and in her senior year, she'd drive most every day except for bad weather.  IT would be a big break for me... or,, do I just move back and be broke,, not to mention break my BF'S heart?????????????

(Original Poster)

[birdfeeder]

Mar. 15, 2010 at 9:45 PM

thanks for your comments sheebs,,

while I can't dictate to my boss what hours I'd like to work,, (she's not flexible),, yes, in time,, I'm sure I'd land something closer,  That would help me for sure.

but the same issues are still in place regarding my daughter,,she'd still be 22 miles from her HS.  I think making her switch is "out",, she'd just not put up with it.

So,,, do I move back with her,, or  (once she gets her license),, let her do some of the driving herself??  I swear,, even if she drove one day a week, it would be a big break for me,, and she'd be getting home early in the day,, rather than waiting until I picked her up in the evening.  And, one day would lead to two days.  So,, maybe I should rephrase my quetion,, "mom,s - would you let your 16 year old drive 22 miles one way to school"???????????????

(Original Poster)

[jokelta]

Mar. 16, 2010 at 11:49 AM

If she had driving lessons I would let her drive if she's responsible enough.  I would make her pay for part of the car, insurance and gas though.  She is definetly old enough to have a part time job and a summer job as well.  She will be more responsible with the car if she has to pay for half of it.

And it wouldn't hurt to ask your boss or at least let her know your situation and if an earlier shift becomes available would she please keep you in mind for it.

There isn't an intercommunity city bus that goes to town is there?  What about a carpool group?  Is there a community centre where you could post a "wanted" ad for a ride to school for your daughter or home from school? 

[Spencersmom1199]

May. 13, 2010 at 7:32 PM

I think she should switch schools. It's tough being a single mom, with working and all of that driving... she might not be happy at first but she'll get over it. If it was to just finish out this year, that's one thing but to do it again next year is a different story. Gas is outrageous to ! wow ! You have to think about your happiness to, sorry to say this but obviously her father didn't since he took you back to court to get the cs/allimony decreased ! Good Luck ! Hope things turn out ok for u !