Demeter (archetypes 7 & 8)

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The Nurturer  

She is the nurturing mother, but doesn't have to have children to be this archetype. It is her sense of duty to help others that is essential. She is youthful when she lives through the life of her child. She dreamed of having children for most of her life, and they easily become her life once she does. If she is unable to have children or has not yet met Mr. Right, she will channel her energy into helping and caring for others. Will often be found in nursing and healing professions.

 Will form relationships with other Demeter women; people who see value in motherhood and service. Can spend hours talking about the latest healing techniques or ways to raise children.

 Her identity is wrapped up in her children or those she cares for. They give her life meaning and purpose.

 EXAMPLE: In Stella Dallas, the title character (Barbara Stanwyck) is such a devoted mother she sacrifices her own desires and gives up all ties to her daughter in order to help better her daughter's social status.

CARES

The welfare of her children whether there's danger present or not. Will often martyr herself, and put everyone else ahead of herself, but no one will come before the person in her care; especially if that person is a child. Would sacrifice an entire town if it meant saving her child.

When things are well she will provide for an entire group and bestow amazing gifts to people she hardly knows at all. The sick she cares for will most often think of her as an angel. She cares about charities and will most likely volunteer in her free time.

Quite often lives on eggshells, making sure everyone else is happy before she thinks about how she feels.

EXAMPLE:  In the fairy tale, Beauty's motherly concern for the Beast makes her an example of a Nurturer.

FEAR

Losing the person in her care. Her whole identity and reason for living is wrapped up in caring for another. Will be angry if someone accuses her of destroying the independence of the person in her care in order to protect him from a danger that may not exist.

Fears not being able to save her child. Will take all the guilt if something does happen and fall into a devastating depression. Grief will consume her and everyone around her will suffer as well.

She needs to be needed. If her child or patient left her she would suffer from "empty nest syndrome".

Not into self-analysis because she's afraid of her own thoughts and feelings. Keeping busy keeps her from thinking about her own stuff, the thoughts she'd like to avoid.

MOTIVATIONS

Love and belonging. Enjoys being connected with someone. Would definitely be the person to adopt a sick child. Motherhood and nurturing seem to give her a reason to live and will do anything to preserve this relationship.

HOW DO OTHERS SEE THE NURTURER?

Dependent, needy, and passive aggressive.

Takes on too many tasks at once, trying to please everyone, and often overwhelms herself.

Not concerned with being sexy and doesn't care for fashion. She can be beautiful without even realizing it.

DEVELOPING THE CHARACTER ARC

Look at her main goals and the fears you've given her. What does she need to learn to overcome that fear? Let go of her children and find a career? Stand up for herself, speak her mind, not care about hurting others? Does she need to let her kids grow up and leave home?

She often needs to let go of her attachment to others and find her own identity. Must learn she can take care of herself and that being alone sometimes is okay. Yoga and writing can be good hobbies for discovering self-love.

What happened to her at an early age to make this archetype so dominate? Maybe her mother was not there for her and now she needs to make up for that by being there for others? Or did she help raise her siblings as a child? Was she given dolls and made to believe that motherhood was the greatest thing in the world? Was there a woman in childhood she held very dear to her, like a teacher, who helped her and now she wants to give back?

To grow, this archetype is best paired with one of the following:

The Woman's Man --- Will nurture her back and show her what it feels like to be in an equal relationship with another.

The Recluse --- Will teach her the value of being alone and knowing herself.

The Gorgon --- Will teach her the harsh realities of life and how to stop people from walking all over her.

The Mystic --- Will teach her self-love.

ASSETS

Spends a lot of time with who she cares for and about.

Puts herself last.

Driven to help people.

Wonderful to be around and extremely helpful.

Great listener, committed to her family.

Generous.

Enjoys being home most of the time.

FLAWS

Her sole identity is wrapped up in caring for others.

Worries constantly about her children.

Self-sacrificing to a fault, taking on too many projects at once because she finds it hard to say no.

Takes things far too personally, especially if said by family.

Needs someone to care for.

VILLAINOUS SIDE OF THE NURTURER

The Over-Controlling Mother

She is the one who might kidnap someone else's child just to have someone to take care of. She would steal a creative project just to seem helpful to society. Would manipulate another person into letting her help them by taking over their life, like Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates) does in Misery.

She would be the mother who poisons her own child, just to get recognition for all the hard work it must be to take care of an ill child. She is the one who will project her own disappointments onto her child so it won't leave home and be independent. She's the master of guilt.

Believes others can't live without her so most of her actions are done with the thought that people need her. In reality, she can't live without them. She occupies herself with other people's lives in an effort to avoid her own. Very dependent and cannot function without someone else around to keep her company and provide direction.

Preoccupies herself with fears of being abandoned and will be devastate or helpless when relationships end. Lack of self-confidence makes it impossible for her to do anything on her own. Cares for others in an effort to make sure they will be there to care for her. Helpless when left alone.

Wants respect and obedience from her children, and feels she's sacrificed her entire life to raise them.

Always feels others are trying to toss her aside and abandon her. Will hurt others for her own good. Always butts in when not needed or wanted. Uses guilt to control others. Exaggerates when hurt or in need. Will do things without being asked to seem helpful. Seems genuinely nice once in a while, as if in an effort to throw others off balance.

Nurturer/Over-Controlling Mother TV Heroes

Carol Ann Brady (Florence Henderson) in The Brady Bunch

Daphne Moon (Jane Leeves) in Frasier

Marie Barone (Doris Roberts) in Everybody Loves Raymond

Piper Halliwell (Holly Marie Combs) in Charmed

June Cleaver (Barbara Billingsley) in Leave it to Beaver

Nurturer/Over-Controlling Mother Film Heroes

Carol Connelly (Helen Hunt) in As Good as it Gets

Stella Dallas  (Barbara Stanwyck) in Stella Dallas

M'Lynn Eatenton (Sally Field) in Steel Magnolias

Dorothy Boyd (Renee Zellweger) in Jerry Maguire

Nurturer/Over-Controlling Mother Literary and Historical Heroes

Florence Nightingale

Mother Teresa

Beauty in Beauty and the Beast

Mary Poppins in Mary Poppins by Pamela L. Travers

Widow Douglas in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

Meg March in Little Women by Luisa May Alcott

Nurse in Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

Miss Emma and Tante Lou in A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest J. Gaines

Francesca Johnson in The Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Waller

Elinor Dashwood in Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austaen

Grandmother in 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Ruth in Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café by Fannie Flagg

Annie Wilkes in Misery by Stephen King

Sally Owens in Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman