venting

[phillipsmommie]

i feel like i've fallen in a funk... i can't seem to pull myself out of. tomorrow my birthday and what am i doing???? not a damn thing. no cake, no party, no hanging out with friends... not even a gift. not even from my husband. he say we'll do something later for it. money thight this payday. which i understand don't get me wrong bills come first, but we wouldn't be thight IF he would remember to pay his truck payment every month. and not every other month. then he pulled out the last 100 bucks for gas and food for him for the week. so the account is - now, so now i wasn't able to downlaod my movie friday. I DONNO i'm just bummed out. i want to cry. so many things seem to be going wrong right now... like we tryed getting a loan to get me a better car, so he decided while he going to school for work i had to go live with his mom so we could aford the load... after he already told his mom i would be coming to live with her. they told us we didn't get the load. and of course aftered i look at the car and fall in love with it. i thought how cool i'll get this cool not mom car. (lol my car right now is a old mom mobil, even has a bilt in carseat) lets add on to my nice little funk... i resently had all my teeth pull... and did not get a set of dentures right away...still haven't got one. i should get them apirl 1. so i've been walking around toothless. which has been a big time ego beat down. lets add on that... that my husband had refussed to sleep with since i had it done. and i porbly won't even get a birthday lay. so no new car, no sex, no money, no brithday in a since, ooooh yeah and my best friend which was going to move in may along with me...(not with me... but at the same time as me) is now moving aprill 1. who am i going to run to when the hubby becomes a jerk??? which is oftened. i would also like to add. that the only thing i've ever been adicted to was cutting. and all this lovely stuff makes me want so hard to cut again. i've been clean from it for almost 8yrs now. so it bums me out that i still have those feelings aftered so long. why can't i get over it. why can't i move on. but then again times its more like why didn't i just kill myself back then, when i didn't have much to leave behind. ok i think i'm done ranting and raving. i just feel so lost right now. and need to get all this off my chest and i have no one i can talk to about it that understands. everyone looks at me like i'm crazy. or at least like they are about to flip on me for just thinking it. you don't have to reply or anything i really just needed it off my chest.

[no_wire_hangers]

Mar. 22, 2010 at 2:08 AM

Don't be so hard on yourself, I know sometimes it feels like everything is going wrong. Reflect, look at everything that goes right...I do that alot, we all go through so much, especially now a days, but hang in there. We don't always get what we want, but we get what we need. I remember going through some really tough times myself, financially, physically, emotionally, all at once!! It's like the saying goes "when it rains, it pours" but anyways my point is life is life. Good times, bad times it goes on, regardless. So keep your chin up, and make the best of your birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! HOOT HOOT!!!  May God bless you and your family. "I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you beleive that you've received it, it will be yours" Mark 11:24, Hang in there Kiddo!