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Is something missing?
- Mar 29, 2010 at 12:24 PM
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I have 5 beautiful boys, a wonderful husband of 8 years, a job that I love...but I still keep thinking that something is missing from my life. I know exactly what that something is...but I just wonder, am I actually missing it, or is it something that I would still feel that void, even if I had exactly what I wanted?!
With my 1st child I really didn't care too much either way what we had. I wanted a girl, but I was ok with a boy, too. We had names picked out for both. I had a boy. With my 2nd baby, I also didn't care too much (different father). I had another boy. With my 3rd, I WANTED A GIRL....DESPERATELY. (I don't think I could honestly say just how desperate I was then!) I found I was having another boy & I bawled - I was absolutely devastated. Then, I cried for being so upset that I was having a boy!! I wanted to be happy that I was having a HEALTHY baby...but I just couldn't get excited. Now, I wouldn't change him for the world, though!! With #4, I still desparately wanted a girl...he was our last attempt for a girl...but it wasn't NEARLY as overwhelming as with #3. I found out I was having yet another boy & I said "oh well...whatever - he's healthy". 4 months after he was born, I found out I was pregnant again (while on birth control) - we found out we were having yet ANOTHER boy...I was bummed, but not upset. I was actually absolutely fine with it until I went up to see my doctor the same day. He asked what I was having & I told him a boy, & he put his arms around me & said "Oh Laura"...I cried then!! lol Stupid pregnancy hormones!!! All I could think about was 'if God thought we could handle 5 kids, the least He could've done was given us a GIRL for #5!!!!!' However, He did bless us with 5 perfect children. We do have 1 with ODD (#3), and 1 with ADD (#1)...but I wouldn't change that either. What would life be without a couple of challenges here & there!!
I now have a beautiful, nearly complete family! We will be trying one LAST time for a girl this summer (and I do mean LAST!!!!!!). If God decides I can't handle a girl, he'll give me a 6th boy. But then, my tubes are getting tied!!! 6 is all I can handle...no matter what He thinks!! lol My family will be complete either way. No matter what.
My question is...for those of you that have all of the same gender....I love my boys more than life itself...but do you ever get that feeling that something is missing?? For me, what's missing, is me being able to say, "And this is my daughter...." I feel like I need to be able to give a daughter to my husband (who's as upset (if not more than me) as I am about not having a daughter) That daughter word gets me every time...something in me just NEEDS to be able to get to say it, to hold 'her', to have 'her' in our lives, but if I don't ever get to....then I don't. I'll always have a missing piece...but I couldn't ask for anything more right now. My boys are the best thing that's ever happened to me. Even if I do have a girl...that phrase will only change to say "my kids are the best thing that's ever happened to me!" :)
Comments:
I can't say I know exactly how you feel since I only have one, but we'll also bee trying to a girl this summer. Problem is, all the women in my husband's family married in. They just don't have girls. Of course, none of them have had more than two though so I'm crossing my fingers. I know if I end up with six boys I'll still be thrilled to have my boys, but I'll always want a daughter.
You also have to remember, just because your sadness doesn't come from some as tragic as not being able to conceive doesn't mean you don't have the right to feel it. *hugs*
Thanks flitpixie :) I appreciate your 2nd comment ;)
Good luck and I hope you get the little princess you have always wanted! I too feel like something is missing, but it's not children (I'm very much happy with my DD). I'm longing for the Air Force (sounds weird). But I was raised in a military family and I want that so much more now than ever! My husband was in the Army but got really bad hurt in basic and was discharged (before I knew him). He mentioned he was thinking of trying again and I was so excited!! But he changed his mind and now he says no because he doesn't like our current president (I don't either). But I have been looking into going into the Air Force (my father was an AF) as an officer. The pay is great and so are the benefits. But the problem is an officer can not weigh no more than 170 lbs (they are very strict about that). I currently weigh 190 lbs and have been trying for months to loose the weight (total lost 25 lbs). I know it's my birth control thats preventing this but I have to wait 3 weeks for the appt to have it removed (IUD). The process takes about a year from the time you apply to the time your get your acceptance/rejection letter. Plus the age requirement is 27 and I will be turning 26 in a few months. I feel if I miss this opportunity then I will regret it all my life!
I know exactly how you feel just for a different reason.
I hope you are blessed with a little girl! I have 3 girls & 1 boy.. and with my 4th I was praying so hard for a little brother for my son. Well- she was a GIRL! I couldn't be happier now.. but it was hard at first! I totally understand how you feel!!! Shoot for your intimate times to be WAY before your "O" time.. its worked wonders for us and our girls =)
~Tara
I know what you mean. At my second ultra sound they told me it was a girl, my second, and I cried right then and there, I wanted a boy so bad.. Then I see people like you and I'm like darn why couldn't I have a boy that lady has 5, lol. We might try for a boy but I'm waiting to see if in the future you can pick what its going to be. I just want to see what a boy from my hubby and I would look like and my hubby is a big sports fan and I want him to experience teaching sports to his son. So I know how you feel just in the opposite sense.
If you never have a girl then what?
Hav you ever thought maybe God is trying to come into your life?
Just a thought.
Parenting is an extension of yourself. You've been extending yourself to your boys, but I think that you feel as if there's a part of you that's not being tapped; you're not able to express yourself completely through your parenting because there are some things that you just can't share with your boys. I think that often our children can be reflections of us too, and you're finding it harder to see yourself in your boys.
The good thing is that someday you will have daughters through your sons' marriages.
I would make sure that you take the time to connect with yourself some more. Make sure you know who you are besides being the mother to 5 boys. And, love that woman!
LOL, I have 4 boys and know what you mean. I love my boys to pieces. BUT, I would love a little girl to dress up :) Please dont ever feel like you have to explain your feelings. They are yours and yours alone, and sometimes as moms thats all we have to ourselves.
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I re-read what I've written & I realize I forgot to mention how stupid I probably sound to some of you out there. I felt really stupid & absolutely mortified being so upset about having 5 boys when I was talking to my best friend of 20 years. She's unable to conceive. She will never know what it's like to experience pregnancy, labor, or delivery. She will never know what it's like to 'get what you want'. Please, do not get me wrong, I really am in absolute love with my boys. I would never ever ever change them for the world!! Nor would I ever give any of them up for just one girl...If I have 6 boys later on in life, I'll be happy!! I currently have 5 HEALTHY children...that's really all I can ask for!!!
- mama_of5
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