I've screwed up on my diet, again...
I found out about some high school function/fundraiser thing that they were putting together a walk and thought it sounded cool. I graduated in 2002, so other than facebook pics, etc - I haven't seen any of these people. I found out about the walk back in February, that it would be in June. I figured, "Okay, good, I'll have 4 months to get in shape." I didn't want to show up there looking the way I do now - 60 pounds heavier than when I saw them all last.
So, I got all gungho for the first 2 weeks or so, then my energy level tapered off. I was losing weight, but so slowly - and with so much effort. It make me lose motivation.
In March, my BFF told me she was getting married and wanted me to be her Matron of Honor - and that her wedding was in the middle of April! (Short notice, long story).
I had 2-3 weeks to lose some major weight. Her wedding was more important to me than the girls from high school... So I busted my ass again, re-energized, and dropped about 12 pounds in that time.
But the day of the wedding, my dieting broke, of course. That was April 17th, and I still haven't gone back to my *good* ways yet. I don't know what's stopping me. I've learned that I like to blame other reasons for my eating/working out patterns. I ate cheese quesadillas (about 7 of them) for lunch, then left and was out all day store-to-store. I planned on grabbing some gyros from this new place that opened down the street on my way home. I went to Home Depot, and grabbed a hot dog from a vendor right after I left. I told myself "Well, I'm going to be out all day and hungry, so I'll just eat less dinner later". Then I had to go to Walmart, and as I'm waiting in line, I grab a candy bar. Then I see they're 2 for $2, so I grab 2. Luckily I only ate half of a snickers bar, but still, I could've passed - I wasn't starving by that point.
I caught myself in another excuse just while writing this. It wasn't the wedding's fault that I quit my diet. I didn't have to - I could have just tasted everything, instead of having plates of everything... And I could still work out. I try to rationalize things and tell myself that if I diet enough, then I don't have to work out (I hate to work out). So instead of just doing it, I'll come up with reasons or excuses why I can't. Lately it's been our bathroom renovation, and how it's eaten up most of my time. ALTHOUGH, it's still barely done, and it's been weeks already - so it's obviously not taking up that much of my time.
I work unloading semis overnight, and when I first started, I thought going from a pretty sedentary lifestyle to this would make me automatically start losing weight. Nope.
The time it took me to write this, I could have been working out. The kids are asleep, I have the space, I don't work today, I have no excuse... And yet, here I am.
My grandmother is morbidly obese. She had the lapband surgery last year, and still struggles. She has high blood pressure and diabetes. She isn't the most gentle woman for her age. She tells you like it is. She said to me once "Hey, you're getting fat and need to lose weight. You don't want to be like me. People look at you different, and treat you different. You will get diabetes, and who knows what else. Being healthy and/or thin, is a much more rewarding lifestyle. Do something about this." She would nag me all the time. I would cry, because I love my grandma a lot and look to her for everything, and DH (trying to be comforting) would say, "Don't let her get you down, you still look beautiful to me". Which was sweet, but still confusing.
I don't know what my problem is. I've been this way in general, about a lot of things. I will get ultra motivated, make lists and plans of how I'm going to do something. Write it down, plan it on the calendar, etc... Get all into it for a couple weeks, then one little thing will pop up and mess things up for that one day, and I'll lose motivation and give up.
Why can't I wake up every morning thinking "Okay, here's to a good day! I'm going to make some healthy breakfast and go for a jog!"