well... Tracy was BLUEBIRDS and I have so many emotions

[hq9858]

Lynne Banks is awesome! Let me start with that.  She found the pics that Tracy was using and forwarded me the link. I warned the girl and she turned it in to CM.

What a dance this is to try to know for sure if it's her each time. I know in my head that it is but in my heart I want to be wrong. I want her to prove me wrong. That this person who has hurt and continues to hurt so many of us has stopped. That she has realized what she is doing to us, to herself, to her son.

Part of me wants to call her on it as soon as I realize it's her. She gives herself away so easily with so many little things that I'm sure she doesn't even realize it. Yell at her.. I know it's you.. what are you trying to do through all of this. What do you get out of hurting people like this? How does a woman who is a mother, purposely lie to and lead on someone else who wants to be a mother?  The other part of me wants to string her along to see if I can get her to do something that we can actually use to prosecute her. I don't want anyone else to feel as stupid as I did for falling for her and for not trusting my instincts when I saw her in person.  I  don't want anyone else to feel so drained emotionally as I did, not to mention the time and money I lost goign to see her. I seriously don't trust my instincts anymore

I want to be the kind of person who thinks the best of everyone and maybe I still can except when it comes to her. Maybe I can pick her out right away because my Tracy radar is finally on. I HATE that I get so suspicious and look for her in everyone. I don't look for a scammer.. I look for her. i HATE that I look for her  all the time. I HATE IT!!!

The really sad part is that everytime I KNOW in my head it's her, I hope in my heart that it's not. I hope that as I try to keep her going to get her to slip up, that I will be wrong and that this woman really is an expectant mom who likes me as much as Tracy always tells me she does. Hell I even think,  if this woman keeps coming back to me for some sick reason, does she know she needs help and can I be the one to give it to her? How sick is that?

So now, as i let myself go through a cryng spell tonight for that little bit of hope I did hold onto is again lost and maybe Tracy wins because I do that. But, if someone out there can be spared the hurt and embarrassment that I felt or if one potential emotional scammer can read this and realize the horrible thing they do, then I guess a few more tears are worth it.

[clayle]

May. 4, 2010 at 1:29 PM

I love you....