I AM LOSING EVERYTHING...

[okc-mom-2]

OK EVERY SINCE MY MOM HAS PASSED AWAY MY LIFE HAS BEEN SHATTERED. I WAS DOING GREAT BUT THESE PAST FEW WEEKS HAS BEEN HELL. I HAVE STARTED DRINKING AGAIN, POPPING MORE PILLS THEN I SHOULD, AND MY TEENS R EVEN DRINKING, AND ONE OF THEM SMOKING WEED. I KNOW GO AHEAD AND SAY IT IM A BAD MOTHER I KNOW THAT. BUT IM TRYING TO WORK ON THIS CAUSE IM LOSING MY LIFE I LOVED, BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO FIX IT. YESTERDAY WAS 2 MONTHS SINCE THE LAST TIME I SEEN MY MOM LAYING IN HER CASKET BEFORE THEY SHUT IT AND I SAID GOOD BYE BUT I CANT EXSEPT IT. I GO TO HER GRAVE EVERYDAY SO THESE NEXT FEW DAY WILL BE HARD. I WAS AT THE GRAVEYARD AT 645 YESTERDAY MORNING AND COULDNT LEAVE TILL 830AM I WAS JUST TALKING TO HER AND CRYING. MY COUSINS LITTLE BOY WHO IS 4 SAYS HE SEES MY MOM AND TALKS TO HER ALL THE TIME OF COURSE WE R STAYING N HER HOUSE. IM GOING TO SUPRISE MY BROTHER WHO IS IN PRISON SATURDAY FOR HIS BIRTHDAY BECAUSE I KNOW Y MOM WOULD WANT ME TO IT IS GREAT. I KNOW HE IS GONNA NEED US JUST LIKE I NEED HIM. WELL I GOT TO GET OFF HERE BECAUSE MY LITTLE CAUSE JARRED WHO IS 4 WANTS ME TO FIX HIM CEREAL FOR DINNER CAUSE HE WOULDNT EAT OUR DINNER WE COOKED. ANY ADVISE GOOD OR BAD WOULD BE APPRECIATED. THANK YOU

[unbroken297]

May. 26, 2010 at 7:50 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, I went through something similar after my dad passed away it got so bad I tried to kill myself. The good thing is that you are admitting you have a problem and are asking for help. My best advice is getting into some therapy for the whole family. I won't lie to you and tell you the pain goes away because it don't there will be days to come when it  is bearable and days when you cant seem to go on. And yes sometimes it seems easier to pop a pill or have a drink just to make it another day,but that is not going to fix anything! you have   to pull yourself together before you or your  children end up dead I hate to be blunt but that is a fact, it is not good for your children to see you that way and it is not good for you either! I am on facebook, yahoo, myspace, and cafemom of course if you ever want someone to talk to or just need someone to listen I know how it feels to feel alone and lost  no judgments here. Just think of the children and how they see you and how your mother would see you. It wont be easy and it wont happen overnight but you can do it, because you know you have a problem and seem to have the desire to change.

 

Jamie