Dear LDS Church,

        I feel inadequate to continue being a member. I am not like those sweet, happy women who live for Sundays and Relief Society activities occasionally during the week. I try, and fail, to live the way you ask of me. This hurts me. It makes me feel like I am a failure. I swear, and cannot seem to stop. I don't regret having sex outside of marriage. I don't regret living with my ex fiance. I don't regret having a child out of wedlock. I feel like my entire life has been a struggle to be a part of this church. I don't resent what you are trying to do. I feel it teaches a wonderful thing and family means so much to its members. Which is great. But I've never felt a great stirring in my heart just thinking about the Church. All those wonderful stories I hear about converts is foreign to me. I can't see myself feeling that way. I do not feel like I fit in with those people who are great and faithful members. I can't live according to the Gospel. I don't deny there is a God. I will never. I just don't want to struggle to have faith anymore. Why do I have free will if its wrong to choose things like I have? I am not a murderer, a rapist or a criminal. My actions do not affect anyone but me. Yet I'm still breaking the laws which I've been taughyt. Is this the beginning of my descent to hell? Or have I just cemented that fact? I'm sorry I wasn't better. I wish you the best of luck and I only wish I was strong enough to be like those great people who don't struggle.

Sincerely, Me

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Comments:

pixie...
May. 29, 2010 at 3:01 PM

Don't feel bad, I'm in your same situation. It's so hard because my husband's family are so strong in the church and I feel like I have to fit in to please them. My husband and I hate going to church and I don't feel that "feeling" either. I've always struggled with my faith in the church even though I grew up in it. I get angry that they ask for 10% tithing AND come by once a month for fast offerings. It seems totally obvious to me that they are greedy. Come on now, you can't go to the temple and go to the celestial kingdom unless you give them money? I've never felt right about it. So I know how you feel, I don't fit in either. I've done everything right, got married in the temple and continued to live righteously, but my heart is just not in it.

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angel709
May. 29, 2010 at 3:08 PM

Dear member in crisis . God forgives you of all the sins you've done . All those born again struggle with sins of the flesh . We're all under spiritual warfare . Devil would want nothing more than to see you fall in the pit . Which you've made of yourself . He wants to keep your relationship torn apart from God . Please stop being a drifter of the flock . God will welcome you back home in the body of Christ . You just have to choose to ask . I ask you to stop that lifestyle you're under . If a congregation of members hurt you deep . I encourage you to find another church . God will never cast you out of his presence  . When you've invited Christ in your heart . He never leaves . He can give you comfort and wisdom through the Holy Spirit . If you just go to God and ask believing . He will answer the cries of the broken and who have faith as tiny as a mustard seed . God says so in his Word . I got my struggles of faith and have confusion of things come my way too . Yet I must rejoice and be glad . For this world isn't my home . I am here to do God's work . I sure won't  let nothing stop me . For God says that nothing ever will separate me from God's love . My name will never ever be erased from the Lambs book of Life . I"m ever covered by the blood of the Lamb just like you . Time for the whole sleeping body of Christ to awaken . To stop building up walls . God's gonna call his people home soon . Even though he knows when . Those left behind will have to face the ultimate decision of all . Either take the mark of the beast that leads to Hell or edure a suffering for a time as one . Who has chosen to follow the true Lord Jesus and accept him as their Savior . There's still time for all of us to change . We all just have to choose to make a choice . I will pray you will start over every brand new day with a better heart and understanding that God loves you and ever present and merciful to help you love and live accordingly . As he would want you too . God bless .

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Pisce...
May. 29, 2010 at 3:12 PM

I bet if you could read inside the minds of other members of your church community, you would be reading alot of the same things. People struggle with faith all the time. You dont need to regret your past to works towards a better tomorrow. I also lived w my ex, had a baby out of wedlock and have never, WILL never regret her.  That child is my reason for living! However, I stay strong in my faith. God does not expect perfection, as the only perfect one to walk the earth was Jesus.  God does not love you any less than the person sitting next to you, and He is the ONLY one with the right to judge you.  But what you have to do is stop judging YOURSELF so harshly.  I found that when I stopped questioning my faith and somehow how the strength to give my heart to God, He has blessed me immensely.  Even still I sin every day ( as we all do).  Church is not for perfect people, church is for everyone who needs God.  For the murderers, the rapists, the adulterers, drug addicts, or even people just like you and me who dont belong in prison but yet still arent "perfect." If you find your church to be too judgemental or demanding of YOU, they are not  performing their duties of teaching the gospel correctly and maybe you should find a denomination you are more comfortable with.  I was baptised non-denominational, that's where I felt comfortable, the pastor would wear jeans and call himself a sinner and that's when I knew he was real and his word really struck my heart. I started coming to a Baptist church asfter moving to FL because that is where I felt at home.  If you need time away from church to get your mind straight God is not going to hate you for it. He is very understanding and He knows your heart. In fact, if you fall away today He knows it's going to happen and He also  knows when you will plug yourself back in.

If someone is judging you, then they are not being good Christians. 

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ColieO
Jun. 10, 2010 at 2:52 AM

Thank you Angel, you are the type of person that I hate in ANY religion.

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