Now what?

[jmdivine]

It's been awhile since I've been here.  It has been a crazy, crazy time away.  The craziness, I probably brought on my own.  One thing I can say and not hurt anymore about is........Steven and I are no more.  And will Never be again. I held on sooo long.  And the entire time I was just fooling myself.  I think the turning point for me was when I found out he had actually been seeing her since March '09 and not Sept. '09.  Man, that felt like a knife in my heart all over again.  You see, I had left in Feb. '09.  He had already started seeing someone a month after I had left.  And he kept stringing me along.  I found myself doing the exact thing that drove me crazy when he and I were together.  You know, he hasn't called his daughter in a month??  One day, she will forget him.  I didn't want that to happen. I was the one who called, I was the one who set up "webcam" dates so she could see and talk to him.  He has never taken the initiative.  I called him out on it. And he still hasn't bothered to contact her.

Now, I find myself in the "dating pool" again.  And, I'm not doing so well.  I'm picky I guess.  I have found someone I do actually like, but he is doing the "touch & go" shit too.  I find that aspect of the dating game highly annoying.  It was really weird to actually feel attracted to someone.  I just hope I can tap into some strength and not fall into a trap.  Meaning, I don't want to fall for someone just to get hurt all over again.