i will never let go..

[s.h.star]

I think about Matt everyday. Everyday i remember the little things that I will never have again. The way we used to sleep. The way he played with our sons. How happy we were. How my perfect family is forever gone. I took it for granted and made disgusting selfish choices and this is the fate I was given based on the decisions I made. When I met Matt it was a prayer answered and I took his kindness and good parenting for granted these past few months. My children will never know their father and I will keep his memory alive for them. They will know they were loved very much. I still think back to my last day with him where he said: "I don't wanna see my children today" it struck me as odd but I thought maybe he just wanted some time to himself..  I could have saved his life I should have seen the signs and had him committed but so should his mother and the rest of his family.. the blame isn't totally mine. She knew he was bipolar and did nothing but give him money when he needed help. money doesn't fix mental illness. She should have used all her fucking money to get him a shrink and meds he told her himself he wanted treatment a week prior to his death. she gave me his family doctors name and told him she didn't know?!/ Now this woman is working to try to take my sons from me. Children she never called and asked to come see. Children she denied were her sons and offered to pay for a DNA test just 8 weeks ago..I am scared for the welfare of my children in these people's prescence.And they say I'm the bad person?!  Why? because I wasn't home alot because I was working a full time job as an assistant manager at mickey deez and going to college.. Y? because I was trying to give us a better life.. yes my relationship with him turned sour and I decided I could find a better man but I was wrong he was the best man that is forever gone. Matt is irreplaceable and what I did I can never take back.. All I can do is get my boys and raise them to make their daddy proud in heaven..  What goes around comes around and all the misguided hatred people are spewing my way will come raining on them. When it rains it pours.. Best wishes to these haters..

 

[Debalexxa]

Jun. 15, 2010 at 11:59 PM

you need your cafe mom support that is why we are here... I am so sorry for everything you are going through... we are not to blame for the decisions that others make...it is not your fault.... keep positive stay strong ... I am a strong believer that children belong with us there parents we birth them they are ours your boys need you please continue to be strong I am sending you hugs...you will be in my prayers keep us posted and most of all stay strong and positive ...

[Cochise]

Jul. 20, 2010 at 10:11 PM

I am sooo sooo sorry for you ...and your children. ):