So, the last few months, have not been a picnic in any way shape or form. Dealing with garnishments the beginning of March, for medicals bills when I had no medical insurance. Then the same month, had to have my gallbladder removed. Which ended up being a good thing, realized it had been the root of some other issues for the last couple of years.

Got back to work early April, and things were ok, April 21st, i got a call at work that rattled my world to its very core...my best friend, nay, more my sister, had very unexpectedly, passed away the night before. It was ruled as a reaction to medication, vague, but there it is. The grieving process has  been long and painful.

However it has only been made worse, as of late by issues at home with the boyfriend. (DD's father). During the days and weeks following her death, he never once asked me if I was ok, and seemed miffed that I was not "over it" already.

It has come to light lately, that he feels that my actions after the fact, were uncalled for, (having my daughter stay with my mom, so that I could feel able to cry, etc.). When, however his friend passed away, he felt completley justified to ignore myself and DD for three days completely.

The fights got worse, and to the point, he was going to leave. I honestly felt relieved, yet in the process of getting him home so he could, he convinced me to try counseling. we have had a few sessions, and I honestly feel MORE angry than I did before. Because now it appears that EVERYTHING in this relationship is my fault. Or the product of how he was raised.

I want to try for our daughters sake yes its true, but no matter what happens, my life is a living hell, if I stay, the fighting won't stop. If I leave, he will use my daughter against me. I already can feel it. he has already said things to her in the past of, "mommy doesn't want you around me".

I feel soooo alone, and so lost.

 

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